As the few of you who know me in real life may or may not have heard, I'm nearing the end of my time here in San Juan, which is the excuse I'm going to use for why I haven't been updating. I also have a bunch of pictures I'm more than happy to share, bnt I left my laptop at home so your going to have to wait until a little day I like to call Whenever the Hell I get Around to it. These observations are kinda disjointed, so bear with me.

I thought of this joke during one of the myriad days spent poolside:

What do you call an unattractive rich girl with huge sunglasses and an unerring pout/scowl?

I don't know, because none of them looked worth talking to.

I really haven't paid for very much since I've been here (I'm with a friend and his family), but I'm apparently the only one that's outraged at some of the pricing that I've seen here. I thought that part of the appeal of going to a nice hotel (I don't want any lawsuits, so let's just say it rhymes with Ditz-Shmarlton) was that they gave you a bunch of shit.

Not so, mis amigos (yeah, I've been doing some learning). Here at the Ritz-Carlton (maybe a lawsuit would get me some traffic?), included with the high price of a room comes: a bed, and several channels of television. I was under the impression that Continental breakfasts were supposed to be complimentary. Surely such a hotel could afford to spring for a few rolls and a pot of coffee for its distinguished guests, n'est-ce pas? Either they could not, or the ilk of people who frequent such hotels enjoy paying for things, because the croissant and juice I had the other day ran at nearly 20 dollars. That's at least 5 times what should be paid for those particular items. I suppose they ran ME at a robust 0 dollars, but sticker shock abound nonetheless. The steakhouse we went to that night charged 11 dollars for a side of fries. That's right; none of their 30-50 dollar entrees even came with so much as a salad.

Wendy's: 1. Ritz-Carlton: 0.

(For some reason I've started to compare the R-C to the popular “Wendy's” chain of fast-food restaurants. Read on to see if this is a useless throwaway “joke” or a theme!)

The reason that we skimped on the full, expensive breakfast and had the Continental, is that we had to be on a rainforest tour early that morning. It didn't rain, but the nearly $50/per person fee was made worthwhile by the other people on the tour. One particular gentleman even inspired me to write another joke:

What did the middle-aged father say to the rest of the bus on the rainforest tour?

Something every fucking five minutes, that's what.

Wendy's 1: Ritz-Carlton: -$268, for a croissant, some trees, and insufferable white man jokes.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that the next day we went to Old San Juan, where things were actually pretty reasonably priced. We went to a pretty nifty little art museum for only 3 dollars each, with which I only had one small concern: they had Braille on the pamphlets.

Now, I understand they might have wanted to be egalitarian to their blind constituency, but I don't know if I can support bringing blind people to art museums. It just seems like an unbelievably dick move. That would be like bringing Nate to an empty strip club and then giving him a pamphlet that describes what a naked woman looks like. Sure he could share in the experience, but is it even worth it?

I leave in a few hours, and I haven't packed, so this is over, for now. Expect a similarly rambling post, with pictures, sometime in the next few days.

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