Doug: These customer service guys suck. They totally dropped the ball and now they won’t help me.
Me: Dude, you’re trying to get an employee of an airline that just filed for bankruptcy to care about your frequent flyer miles. That’s like trying to turn a lemon into a carrot. It can’t be done.

David: When you said you rushed the field, I imagined like hundreds of people rushing the field, and this morning I read in the paper that it was forty people at most. That’s basically trespassing.
Me: I don’t see how the number of people makes any difference.
David: Well no, you wouldn’t. That’s because you don’t know how to adequately gauge risk. Who knows what the police could have charged you with?
Kevin: If he was like that one unlucky kid, he could have been charged with a Taser.
Me: Badump bump, ching.

David: You see, when you’re a part of a huge group of people, then it’s basically controlled chaos. No one can really hold you accountable for the actions of a mob of people. But when it’s just Nate and a few of his drunk friends running around on the field in flip flops, then it’s a crime.
Me: Why?
David: Because the people responsible for the criminal activity can be easily apprehended and held responsible for their actions.
Me: Obviously, you’ve never tried to tackle the mad man Nate DeGraaf.
David: Funny. But you see what I’m saying right?
Me: No.

David: Okay, try thinking about it like this: if seven hundred cars are driving on the same path through a corn field at once, it ceases to be a cornfield and becomes a road. However, if you’re just one drunk guy driving through the corn field, it becomes a crime. You see what I’m saying?
Me: I think so. You’re saying that if seven hundred of us had rushed the field, it would cease to be a field and would become some kind of bizarre pedestrian zone. But because there weren’t many of us, it was still a football field and we were just drunk law breakers.
David: He gets it, now.
Kevin: Finally. That conversation was really dragging on.

Me: How can I make sure that a few hundred people will rush the field with me?
David: Okay, you still don’t get it. You’re not supposed to get a whole bunch more people to rush with you, you’re suppose to assess the situation and determine that only a few weirdos are doing it, and then not go.
Me: How can I do that when I’m one of the first ones to go?
David: You’re not supposed to be one of the first ones to go. If you are, you increase your risk of being arrested.
Me: If I’m not one of the first ones to go, I’d feel like a hapless sheep.
David: But you’d be a hapless sheep who didn’t get arrested.
Me: Instead of an innovator who didn’t get arrested?
David: First off, you were not an innovator. You were a trespasser. Jumping over a fence and running across a field does not make you an innovator. Second off, there’s nothing wrong with being a sheep. You’re not nineteen anymore. Sheep’s behave. Third off, if you get another alcohol related arrest, you’ll probably be fired. You think about that.
Me: I’d still do it again.
Kevin: Moron.

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