Ryan: Man, you think Terry’s gay?
Me: I never gave it much thought.
Ryan: He acts gay.
Me: I don’t know how gay acts.
Ryan: Gay acts like my Uncle.
Me: What’s he do?
Ryan: He stays in a hospital. He got AIDS… from being gay.
Me: Yeah, yeah. I think I got it.
Ryan: You think you got AIDS?
Me: Fuck you.
Ryan: No way. I don’t want AIDS.
Me: Shut up.

Me: So, how did your family deal with him being gay?
Ryan: My dad nicknamed him Girl Baby.
Me: Girl Baby?
Ryan: Yeah.
Me: When did he get that nickname—when he came out of the closet?
Ryan: No, when he was a little boy.
Me: So, he grew up being called Girl Baby?
Ryan: Yeah, my dad said the whole family always knew he was gonna be gay.
Me: How’d they know?
Ryan: Dad says he asked for an Easy Bake Oven for his seventh birthday.
Me: Wow, that’s queer.

Me: So, you ever visit him?
Ryan: Who? Girl Baby?
Me: Man, you just like saying that.
Ryan: No, it ain’t fun visiting him no more. Since he’s dying and all.
Me: Yeah, death takes the fun out of damn near everything.
Ryan: AIDS just be sucking the life out of them gays.
Me: Yeah, that’s a shame.
Ryan: Fortunately, they used to it.
Me: They’re used to death?
Ryan: No, the sucking.
Me: Man, you wrong.

Ryan: I would visit him more, but he got lots of friends and family always checking in on him.
Me: Where’s he live?
Ryan: Augusta, Georgia. That’s where the whole family’s from.
Me: Is there a big gay community there?
Ryan: Man, what do I look like? How would I know?
Me: Just asking. I mean, you’re the one from there.

Ryan: Man, Augusta ain’t nothing but a golf course and a bunch of old people.
Me: And at least one gay guy.
Ryan: It’d be one less, pretty soon.
Me: I’m saying, you wrong.
Ryan: Man, I can say that ‘cause he’s family and he’s gay. He be gay family.
Me: As long as everyone’s happy.
Ryan: Man, ain’t nobody happy. He got AIDS and we got a gay relative.
Me: It was a joke. You know, ‘cause gay used to mean happy.
Ryan: You ain’t funny.

Amy: I’m so pissed.
Me: What’s up, babe?
Amy: My ex-boyfriend is suing me for the rest of the rent because my name’s still on the lease.
Ryan: So, he’s taking you to court ‘cause you dumped him?
Me: Man, you really have a way of summing up a situation.
Ryan: I be like one of those guys who see into the future. Except I see into the present.
Amy: Uh huh…

Amy: And then the ex asked what Nate has that he doesn’t.
Ryan: Nate got that big screen TV right there.
Me: And a Mountain Dew bottle from 1952.
Ryan: What, was that your dad’s bottle or something?
Me: Yeah, we only get one. We pass it down from generation to generation.
Ryan: Man, white people.

Ryan: You ever notice how chicks always be saying ‘Happy Valentines Day’ but dudes never do?
Me: Yeah, I notice that every year.
Ryan: Like if I said, “Happy Valentines Day, Nate”, what would you say?
Me: I’d say, “Thanks, Girl Baby.”
Ryan: Oh, you done crossed the line there.


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