The 5 O'Clock Shadow – Five minutes to make you lau-

The most recent addition to my apartment is a subscription to the Playboy Channel (6 guys, lots of sexual tension). While I'm sure I could spend forever on the subject, in particular I merely wanted to note 1. College is indeed working and 2. Porn Credits are hilarious.

Casually digesting both the pizza I picked up for lunch, and the societal and thematic implications of the soft-core flick on the TV, I was soon finding myself displeased. First of all, How much Feta is on this damn pizza? Secondly, is there anything more annoying than soft-core porn? How am I supposed to enjoy two people bumping against each other, faking enjoyment, and if you calculated out the angles, getting rammed in the thigh.

But this is when the film student in me got annoyed. “Was that distortion I just heard?” Yes in fact it was. The leading lady yelped a little too loudly and CRUNCHED over the sound threshold on the boom. Um… HELLO? Shoot another take, maybe! Or how about some ADR? No? Budget too small? At least catch it in the editing room! Right?

So the porn ended quickly, and I decided to see who was responsible for this atrocity. The credits scrolled, and guess who's name lie under Editor… ROCCO BONES.

Which is funny, because you normally see much better work from Mr. Bones.

Other fun-mentionables include a DIALOGUE COACH and ON THE SET MASSEUSE. Upon reading the latter I thought, “Well that's nice, a little relaxation while the DP rehearses the next ‘blowjob where the girl is literally sucking on his navel' shot.”

But then the truth hit me, and I was ashamed at my own naivete. On the set masseuse = Fluffer! It's a good thing nobody reads the credits, you professional hand-jobber.

And yes, this post was much longer than 5 minutes… What can I say? I've got endurance.

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