Sorry I'm late, but well, the weather has gotten nice here in Tampa and as such, people are coming down from colder climates to visit, and I know some of those people. And I took a few days off work and writing to drink heavily with them.
Anyway, sorry about that and all, but well, you know, I'm an asshole.
Let's do this thing. Home teams in CAPS.
RAMS (-2) over Chiefs
My friend Atwood, KC resident and general alcoholic, called me the other day and told me that the Chiefs are finally starting to gel. I made my obligatory Herm Edwards jokes and Atwood responded by standing up for his team's coach. And I was floored.
Either KC is for real, or Atwood's an idiot. And this game will let us know for sure.
(Hint: Atwood's an idiot.)
RAVENS (-3) over Bengals
I have this odd feeling that this Cincinnati team is not making the playoffs this year. No disrespect to Ocho Cinco, but I'm just not smelling much for you guys in Cincy. Of course, you can rest easy since I'm usually only right about half the time. I ain't too bright.
GIANTS (-13) over Texans
I gotta say that I'm a big fan of taking the Giants at home, lately. It is, to borrow a phrase from the waitress who recently served me in Ybor City, the new “Johnny Come Lately Thingy.”
Titans (+91/2) over JAGUARS
Why am I taking this pick when the Jags are at home? What do I know that you don't? Have I lost my mind? Do I think the spread is too high? Will I ever stop asking myself questions? And has anyone seen my pool stick lately? (Seriously, the thing just disappeared.)
Anyway, I just think the spread is too high.
(Note: whenever your reason for picking a team to cover is “I just think the spread is too high”, do not bet on that one. Trust me. I'm a master of thinking about how I'm thinking about stuff.)
Cowboys (-3) over REDSKINS
It's another Tony Romo Game,
Tony Romo Game,
Drew Bledsoe's 'bout to pop a vein
‘Cause it's the Tony Romo Game,
Tony Romo Game.
Coach Bill may not actually be insane
And yet he's bringing you,
Yes, he's giving you
Another Tony Romo game!
I mean, stop the madness already. Tony Romo? Tony mother grabbing Romo?
Man, I hope this ain't a fluke. I mean, I love the old quarterback feel-good story. Just makes me feel all drunk inside, you know?
Come on. I know you know I know that you know. We're just close like that.
Packers (+31/2) over BILLS
Brett Favre or JP Losman?
I don't know about you guys, but I put about three seconds of thought into this one.
BUCS (+1) over Saints
You know, it is possible to go 2-5 and still have a shot at the playoffs. I mean, it's unlikely and all that, but it could happen.
Oh fuck it. At least we get warm winters.
Falcons (-5) over LIONS
I laughed at this spread. I actually laughed. What the hell is the thinking behind this one? I mean, is Atlanta the anti-Cincy or what? They're just not getting enough respect on this one. I mean, this is the kind of game a guy who gambled might gamble on.
Maybe.
BEARS (-131/2) over Dolphins
So, how do you think Daunte Culpepper will like Canada? I mean, the people are nice. Plus, Vancouver and Toronto have some smoking ass, hot chicks.
Anyway, this game will suck.
Oh, and I'm still waiting on my Rex Grossman Season Ending Injury. Seriously, I thought that was an annual thing. What happened?
Vikings (-41/2) over 49ERS
I did absolutely no research on this pick. I was pressed for time and I just went with my “pick against the Niners” philosophy. Figured you might want to know that.
Browns (+121/2) over CHARGERS
Ditto.
Broncos (+3) over STEELERS
This one I took a look at. Now, it's Saturday and we're still not one hundred percent on who's gonna start at quarterback for the Steelers, which means that no matter who starts, I'm picking against them. It's a controversy thing, nucka.
PATRIOTS (-3) over Colts
Every year we go through this. Every year Vegas favors the Pats. Every year idiots empty their bank accounts into the Peyton Manning machine. And every year, that machine breaks. Quite frankly, I hope I'm wrong about this one. I mean, this story line is getting old.
SEAHAWKS (-7) over Raiders
I just can't pick the Raiders on the road yet. Please, give me time. All I need is time. Oh yeah, and how about that Seneca Wallace?
I mean, umm, Seattle, you do have another quarterback, right?
Right?
Last week: 7-7
Overall record: 56-52-6
Labels: NFL_picks