Reality shows are starting to get old. Networks are recycling shows or creating spin offs from similar shows on other networks. These reality shows are starting to lose their edge. Shows like the Bachelor, Real World, and American Idol are fading faster than Heather Graham’s career. The only way to save these show from their impending end is to pump new life into them, and I’ve come up with a solution that could be the breath of fresh air we’re all looking for, or at least something to think about to pass the time for a few minutes. I believe all the new shows would benefit from including the Points In Case staff in their casts. You dream of witnessing our rapist wit in live action would come true, and I could finally fulfill my life dream of appearing in a Playgirl spread entitled “The Men of Reality TV”.
The Bachelorette: PIC
First of all, does ABC really think we’re going to believe that a young attractive doctor had trouble finding women to the point of having to appear on a television show? The reason I chose the Bachelorette is because Temptation Island would just get out of hand and would have to be aired on Cinemax. Throw in the men of PIC, add an open bar, and you’ll have yourself a mega hit. Ali and Simonne can act as consultants to some poor chick. There are limitless possibilities here. We could create spreads to see who is most likely to get the girl. I would probably put Nick as the favorite with Nate and Court close behind. David and Opp could be the popular upset picks with Mikey, Tuckerson, Rebello, and I stealing money from the dumb bastards that bet on us. It would probably be worth it just to see me try and ride horseback. The Bachelorette would most likely need therapy and a few restraining orders after taping was done. Still, it would be better than the shit we’re being fed now.
This one would be a ratings gold mine. Here we would switch PIC staff members with someone else and have them spend a month with their significant other. Here are a few of the “can’t miss” scenarios I’ve come up with: Can you imagine watching some guy looking on as his girlfriend spends a month with Nate? How about a female sitting across the restaurant while Ali feeds fruit to her man? How about switching Rebello with an black welfare family? You know you’d be tuning in next week if this was the case.
Real World: PIC
It would have to take place somewhere cold just for the added element of hearing all of the warm weather staff members bitch and moan about how cold it is. We have all of the traditional traits that the cast members of the past had. We have the token black guy, a couple fiery, excitable men (Nate and Justin), attractive girls with loose morals, some wild cards (Nick and Opp), and because we need one to fill the void Mikey could play the homosexual who has a secret crush on Court. I have no idea where would I would fit into the mix. Also, we all like to work very little and drink a lot. Put all this together and you’ve got yourself a very hilarious program with unlimited potential.
Actually I don’t think this would pan out very well unless Rebello or Nick does a good William Hung impersonation or either Ali, Simonne, or Mikey have a “wardrobe malfunction” during the live finale.
Survivor: South Padre
This is just another excuse to get us liquored up and hope for entertaining results. David would be the host since he seems to know the most about the show. We would still have to do immunity challenges to stay on the island. For example, chug a glass of beer, sprint 25 yards, spin 20 times with your forehead on a baseball bat or a tall stick, run back and tag the next team member, repeat 7 times. My pick would be Opp since he’s (supposedly) trying to exercise (probably to minimal results), or we could go with the ignorant Jimmy the Greek theory and pick Tuckerson. Also, and I can’t speak for everyone, I could stand to lose a few pounds.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be working on my Emmy acceptance speech.