As a writer, I can’t think of anything cooler than having fans that worry about my orgasms. And I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

There are many ways to say it, many expressions that could be used, many statements that could gather the moment, dust it off, and place it forever in the museum of painful sports analogies, but I think that last Super Bowl can best be summarized by the words of my buddy Russ, who said, “I won two hundred bucks on that game and I still thought it sucked ass.” I mean, that really paints the truth with the brush of dialogue (what the hell am I talking about again?).

Valentine’s Day is an absolute sham. It’s the one holiday where women can define their emotional worth by the stuff they get and not feel like shit for being materialistic. Fuck you, Hallmark. You bitch.

I’m only gonna type this once, watch “Boondocks.” The show is even funnier than the comic strip (and by the by, a reader named Mark H pointed out that every time I say that I’m only gonna say something or type something once, I do it more than once. After careful review, he’s right. So, there you go. Look for a few more references to “Boondocks” and look for Mark H from Massachusetts to email me and let me know what I’ll be having for dinner. A week from now).

As I quickly evolve into a television junkie, it has been pointed out to me that I am fast turning into “everyone else.” And now I think I know why people are so happy to sit at home if a) they have a great television and b) they’re not looking to get laid because they have a girlfriend. I mean, with both of those two established, what reason is there to leave the house and experience the rough-edged beauty of human interaction? Oh well, look for The Nate Way to turn into a pop culture review gimmick. At least until the girl gets bored and sends me back into the endless life of drunken hookups and random scumbags.

Things that you go through much faster when you have a girl at your place all the time: toilet paper, paper towels, food, T-shirts and sperm.

I think it’s hilarious that the Muslim world is all pissed off about the fact that they were depicted as mindless thugs in Danish cartoons, and then responded by blowing up buildings and killing people. I’m starting to get the feeling that this is how they react to most things. Like, if a convenience store short-changed a Muslim and refused to pay him back, would he blow it up? Would they blow up a McDonalds for serving lunch so early when all they really want is a sausage biscuit and coffee? Maybe we don’t really want these people to have freedom. I mean, if all they want is stuff to blow up, couldn’t we just send them to Detroit? You know, to help rebuild it and all?

And finally, because this is one of those entries where I drop logic and fluidity like a two-bit Seattle wide receiver drops passes, I leave you with the following, which was said by three time Super Bowl Champion, Bill Belichick:

“This game will be decided by the team that plays the best today.”

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