Is it still polite to open a door for a woman if the door happens to lead to the room where a gang rape is about to occur? I say no, but I ain't no etiquette specialist.

I like to think that if Jesus were around today, he would totally dig my new shoes. I'm christian when it comes to the kicks.

If no one knows what it's like to be the sad man behind blue eyes, then I would think blue colored contact lenses would be the way to go for everyone.

The other day, a woman asked me for directions to a pub and grill that she happened to be standing in front of. I laughed, pointed to the bar and said, “Right there.” She smiled, giggled, apologized for being stupid and asked me if I wanted to go in for a drink.

“No thanks,” I said. “I don't want to run the risk of accidentally having stupid children.”

She then accused me of being rude.

“But you said you were stupid,” I said.

She entered the bar in a huff.

It seems that some people do not want you to tell them what they already know and recently conveyed. Or maybe I'm just stupid. Either way, I wish I had my own pet tiger. But that really doesn't have anything to do with anything.

A famous southern expression is, “Some people would holler if you hung them with a new rope.” The expression is meant to convey that some people bitch to much, but it seems to me that if I was hung with any rope I would holler, regardless of the age of said rope.

And finally, because logic and fluidity are busy testing out their new hanging ropes, I leave you the following, which I overheard at a smoky pool hall.

“Women generally don't like their bodies, no matter how many times you slap them on the ass.”

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