When someone is fired from the Blue Man Group, do they just become the Blue Man Person? And what kind of job can you get after that? I'm assuming once you enter the Blue Man Group you take a sacred oath which involves dying your skin blue permanently. There is no other way. Plus, you're the weirdest person ever if you're a member of the Blue Man Group. Here's how I imagine the job interview would go:

Interviewer: “I'm not even going to ask about the blue skin.”

Blue Man Person: (doesn't say anything)

Interviewer: “What's your job experience?”

Blue Man Dude: “I was part of the Blue Man Group.” (blurts this out gruffly)

Interviewer: “Well, that explains alot. What job skills did you gain at this job?”

Blue Man Guy: “Well I used to bang on these things that flew paint in the air and then I would stare into the audience really intensely as if I was masturbating.”

Interviewer: “You're hired.”

Blue Man Man: (doesn't say anything)

Interviewer: “I'd shake your hand, but I don't want to get blue skin disease.”

Or are some babies born blue? That would be shocking at first to the parents, but they could rest peacefully knowing that their little son or daughter would be secured a job as a Blue Man. Although that would be rough for the kid at school. They'd get picked on alot. I know better than anyone. I was homeschooled.

What if Martin Luther King hadn't remembered his dream? I never remember mine, but then again I'm no DMLKJr.

If I was a slave master, I would boost morale by telling the slaves I'm going to double their salary if they do good. They couldn't be mad when they don't get anything, since doubling zero equals zero…Sorry, you didn't come here for a math lesson.

I wonder if any big-time record producers ever was walking by and heard a slave singing a freedom song and decided to sign them to the label. I mean those spirituals were fucking good. And you wouldn't have to pay them.

Did anyone have to sit on the back of the railcar on the underground railroad?

I just saw an ad for Skype that says “Call cell phones in Mexico for 20 cents per minute.” Okay. What kind of demographic are they going after here? Drug-dealing kingpins? People who will call a cell phone in Mexico and then say “Is your fridge running? Oh, you don't have a fridge?” Plus, maybe you don't know this, but in Mexico people speak a different language than English, one unknown to anyone else.

If you got fired from the Unemployment Office for doing something atrocious, would they still help you get a job after?

Do Satanists tell their kids that if they don't worship the Devil, they'll go to Heaven? “You're gonna live peacefully in Heaven….forever!!!!!”

Does anyone call plastic surgery “getting my birthday suit tailored”?

Really specific, sadly true horoscopes: Today the stars will be aligned, but that doesn't mean shit for you. You'll get up after hitting snooze a few times, make a piece of toast but keep popping it up to check that it's not burnt, essentially making the piece of toast not as tasty as if you would've just left it in; then you'll go to work where at the end of the day you feel you didn't get enough done and promise yourself you'll do more tomorrow but you never do so what's the fucking point, Chris?

The Constitution refers to the president of the U.S. as a ‘he'. Just saying, Hillary…

I'm going through a mid-life crisis at 19. Does this mean I'm gonna die when I'm 40?

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