As a kid, I always looked at the moon as a two-dimensional object—usually the familiar white crescent. It never really occurred to my brain to process the moon as a sphere and sort of imagine the roundness of it.

In high school, I made more of an effort to look at the moon as a sphere, though this would usually take a concious restructuring of my perception over a period of 2-5 seconds as my mind visualized the outline of the dark side and processed the whole sphere notion. It's kind of like those optical illusions of an unshaded box, where if you change your mindset, you can make any which side seem like the front.

Well today, ladies and gentlemen and amateur astronomers alike, after many years of practice, I am finally happy to announce that when I look up at the moon, I immediately see a spherical shape. No mind games, no drugs, no space goggles. Just pure, involutary, three-dimensional Moon. It's very refreshing, in a holistic, celestial type of way.

Oh also, I stole this hot lime green Express shirt from my friend on Saturday and he was all like, “NUH UH! You're not taking my shirt!” And I was like, “YAH HUH, WANNA BET?! What are are you gonna do, rip it off my back?!” And then he totally started wrestling me to the ground for no reason, and I put him in an Irish Headlock and he had to call mercy and I got to wear the shirt out to the club.

But I guess that's just Nature's way of balancing things out.

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