One-on-One Elevator Moments

“If we were the last two people on this elevator, and the entire elevator race depended on us, would you have sex with me? Hurry! We're running out of time!”

“So that's it? You're not even going to tell me why you're mad at me? This is ridiculous. How am I supposed to know what I did wrong if you won't even talk to me?”

(looking down, bashfully) “So, I was thinking, we could be in here for a long, long time, and… well, I don't want to waste any more of it without you a foot closer by my side. (get down on one knee) Will you marry me, Bridget? (press and hold down the fire alarm button whether she says yes or no)” [p.s. chicks love it when you call them Bridget, regardless of their real name]

“It's obvious both of us are bored and we're gonna get off at different times, although since you live above me I'll never be sure if you really got off. This ride keeps getting more and more like sex with my girlfriend.”

(start giving her a backrub) “Goinnng up…” (gently graze your boner on her ass)

Really Long Elevator Rides

“Last time I was trapped in a box this long, my girlfriend didn't even orgasm.”

“PENIS!!! Sorry, this is just so LONG.”

(to the elevator, while pushing all the buttons) “Ohhh yeaaaah, tell me when I hit the right spot, baby… OOOOO, is it that one? Ahh haha, noooo… Is it, THIS one?! You're so hard to please!”

Crowded Elevators

“Up and down, up and down… that's all this thing does all day. Where can I find a girl like THAT? (slowly turn to an attractive girl on the elevator, intrigued)”

“Oh man! Peew!! It smells like SEX in here!”

(open up a Playboy magazine in disgust) “Ohh my god, it's a black girl! The centerfold is a BLACK girl! Hef, man, where da blondes at, nigga?!”

(hold up an unused condom in package) “Can anybody use this? My girlfriend just got on the pill so we're playin' full contact now. Skins vs. skins.”

“Raise your hand if you masturbate… (raise your own hand, nobody else raises theirs) Guys, you're lying! Ladies, don't be bashful… (make a buzzing sound like a vibrator and wiggle your index finger around the elevator)”

Any ideas? Leave them in the comments…