Dear Sir, I've been a tenant in the dumpster of your motel for two months now, and I can't take the constant brutal ghost rape anymore. I'm suing you for $100 million and a handjob.
There are certain types of films that exist for one purpose only: to be enjoyed on a purely visual level, preferably muted with White Zombie playing. Suckerpunch is that kind of movie.
Ready for the fast-paced exciting world of fast food? Burger king is looking for new talent! Fill out this application to get started right away!
Attention zombies: Do you have the survival skills necessary to rise to the top of the food chain? Make the most of your undead life. Enroll in Copernicus Thunderbird Zombie Institute today.
My name is Copernicus Thunderbird and I'm writing this letter because you are in grave danger. The legions of the Super Astronaut Deathlord are on their way to kill you and rape your wife.
Congratulations on upgrading to the Gold Edition for only $49.99! Don't bother clicking the back button, I've already hacked into your bank account. Now get to trolling, dick-bumper.
Dear Government, I need a $500 million grant to breed minotaurs. What can minotaurs do for the economy? Think manual labor, gladiator fights, warfare, and pornography.
When you try to go back and analyze bits and pieces of the 80's—clothes, music, pop culture—it's like someone dropped a bomb full of crazy-dust on the whole country.
So you were too lazy for an abortion, and now you've got an unwanted baby. What do you do? Here are some ideas. You're not going to like them.
You know what I really hate? Jokes. If you're a troll like me, you probably hate them, too. We're not here to read your clever bullshit, we're here to fuck up your comment page.