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I can perform brain surgery in the dark, and I found the Higgs boson particle with an accelerator I constructed in my backyard out of tin foil and duct tape.
Poetry is the lazy writer's way to express oneself. No wonder it's the perfect starter kit to get you laid! Prepare to be lauded as a genius, both in and out of bed.
I don't know an awl from a chisel and don't want to. But I do know one thing for certain and I'll declare it before the God of our Fathers: JESUS IS NO CARPENTER!
This is a foul-mouthed guide for you, the customer, when dining out, because most of us servers agree that the majority of you are assholes. Please heed these rules.
There are only so many chances that you'll like your roommate in any sense of the word "like," and those chances are like, zero.
She lies a lot, but not the normal lies about age, weight, and whatever so-called "ladies" lie about. No, she's in a whole 'nother category.
For a while, there were no consequences for my coffee addiction. I started doing amazing in school, my parents remained in the dark, and I earned a full scholarship.
What I realized about my self-imposed inability to write is that of all the reasons why I am unable to write can be blamed on my excellent procrastination skills.
The tree was right there the whole time, but it had never before occurred to me that this tree's purpose was to be climbed. And who wants to disappoint a tree?
Sorted and separated from those of color, I can now see the first washing machine lying in wait. I watch as my non-white comrades are tossed into the behemoth.
Anna-Shaleen relations rapidly deteriorated during our first lunch shift. I realized I'd officially gotten on her bad side when the question of gun control was raised.
Friends, no one gets up in the morning on planet Earth searching for Cloud 2. We're all trying to get to Cloud 9. And there's no easy way to get there.