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"The Lifer" has been doing the same job for over 30 years and, despite your complaints, still wears his misery like a warm blanket on a blustery winter night.
The gods of Mount Olympus delight in watching the bloody clashes of human civilization. Seriously, what was that business in Iraq? Wars are for nation DESTROYING!
Dear Sir, lacking a way to eloquently state my grievance towards you, I will simply come out and say it: your abnormally large penis has made it uncomfortable for everyone here.
In-your-face artists who reject truth and beauty (but will never clean up their own mess) deserve federal support because they are more creative than you.
Dear Donald Trump and other fat pieces of shit. You're making the rest of us fatties look bad. Stop it.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your breakup. It sounds like there were many complicated factors in your previous relationship. So, are you ready to start sucking my dick yet?
While you have been in college, the adult community has been busy ruining the world. This has left us no time for several important tasks.
And the virtual gates are open! No way I am missing out on these tickets. Even if they sell out in minutes, I think I have my preparation down to a matter of seconds.
Boy meets girl and it's love at first sight. They both go to grab the same latte, but they can't because their barista has been DEAD FOR THE PAST SIXTEEN YEARS.
OK, so a really, really, really, really long time ago, there was this broad… this princess. She was a princess, right? So, she had this real wonderful, real fantastic life. Real luxurious.
Hello and welcome to our review of last season's most embarrassing moments! First off, Seth Mallard's sudden and unexpected match-up against his long-time ex-girlfriend Lara Liu in Trader Joe's.
Unfortunately, we've decided to go a different way. But we honestly did enjoy our conversation and I was wondering, do you want to hang out sometime?