Congratulations and bon voyage, crew. If you’re reading this memo, the Artemis II launch was a success. As long as all continues according to plan, you four intrepid astronauts will be the first human beings to orbit the moon since 1972.

Also (good news!) NASA is almost certain that none of you are werewolves. However, to ensure the safety of our new lunar missions, we must consider every eventuality.

SCENARIO A: Crewmember Is Secret Werewolf

Step 1. Remain calm. First, notify ground control. Please describe the situation using clear, concise language (e.g., “Reid is a wolf now”). Remember, to trigger the lycanthropic transformation, the ethereal moonlight needs merely brush the astronaut’s cursed flesh. Ferocious fangs will erupt from their mouth, razor-sharp claws will sprout from their fingernails, and any shred of humanity will be replaced with insatiable blood lust. Please note: weapons are a last resort.* Pray the werewolf is disoriented by the zero gravity.

Step 2. Buy time. Distract the werewolf with treats. Our best analogue for this unprecedented situation is the space dog Laika, who the Soviets launched aboard Sputnik 2. You will find a can of Laika’s favorite snack—a gelatinous mix of bread crumbs, powdered meat, and beef tallow—hidden among each of your personal effects. Simply select the most expendable crew member, slather them in this savory Soviet meat paste, then instruct them to drift slowly through the capsule. This individual is now designated as “Bait Specialist.”

Step 3. Commence “Operation Pink Floyd.” Our crack team of NASA occultists agree that the werewolf should revert back to human form as soon as the spacecraft passes into the dark side of the moon. But work quickly. Because of the Orion command module’s slingshot flight path, this stretch of total shadow will only last for about 45 minutes. In addition, communications with Earth will cut off. Prepare your bewildered crewmate (shivering, naked, and likely confused by the umami taste in their mouth) for an immediate spacewalk.

Step 4. Leash your dog. After you pass back into the light side of the moon and re-establish radio contact, mission control hopes to see you dragging your werewolf—tethered and thrashing behind the capsule—like a balloon at a Halloween party. NASA engineers believe the beast’s dense fur layer may provide limited insulation against subzero vacuum conditions. If not, they designed a special spacesuit just for the werewolf. They even cut a tasteful aperture for the tail.

*Firing silver bullets in a pressurized aluminum cylinder would be ill-advised. Safety always comes first. So instead we’re equipping you Artemis II astronauts with silver katanas. Please return them to inventory upon splashdown.

SCENARIO B: All Four Crewmembers Are Secret Werewolves

In this case, a coordinated werewolf infiltration of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration is already well under way. This would represent a major oversight on our part, and call into question the competency of whoever ran your background checks (perhaps they, too, were a werewolf).

Step 1. Howl in triumph. Well done. You four are clever werewolves, indeed: instead of waiting on the lunar cycle, you manipulated events such that you were launched into orbit. Now your pack has unbridled access to your precious moon.

Step 2. Resist the urge to roll down the window and stick out your tongues. This one’s pretty self-explanatory.

Step 3. DO NOT LAND ON THE MOON, PLEASE. Setting paw on the lunar crust would assuredly make your transformations permanent. If NASA allows lycanthropes to perform a successful moon landing, we run the risk of ushering in a hyper-advanced civilization of lunar-dwelling space wolves. This outcome is undesirable.

SCENARIO C: Canadian Astronaut Jeremy Hansen Is Weremoose

Jeremy Hansen will soon travel the closest a citizen of Canada (the Great White North) has ever come to the moon (the Greater White North). Because of Hansen’s unique Canuck physiology, NASA must consider the possibility of a nontraditional transmogrification.

Step 1. Recognize early weremoose warning signs. If maple syrup droplets begin condensing on the walls or equipment, immediately notify Houston.

Step 2. Do not be afraid. Limited research suggests that weremoose are not aggressive. Most renderings of this creature closely resemble Tyrone, the anthropomorphic moose from the children’s program The Backyardigans.

Step 3. Remain polite. This scenario is not inherently violent, though a weremoose would still prove a major inconvenience. The primary challenge will be rotational dynamics. Antlers dramatically increase your crew mate’s spin radius in zero gravity. He may become a courteous, apologetic gyroscope. Just work around him.

CONCLUSION

We did not want to add undue stress during training, so our supernatural aeronautics division withheld these hypotheticals until after you had already launched into deep space and commenced your trans-lunar burn. No turning back now. But, please, resist any paranoid thoughts.

Again, we’re fairly certain none of you are werewolves.

Please confirm.

—NASA