25 Things You Should Know About Guys
>>> About Last Night...
By staff writer Ali Wisch
November 23, 2005
When it comes to guys, you can usually narrow it down to three things: sports, sex, and beer. However, there are some things you might not know about the male that go beyond their favorite team, position, and alcoholic beverage. For your enjoyment, I present 25 things about guys you probably didn't know, didn't want to know, or didn't take the time to notice.
1. As much as you want to talk about past relationships, zip the lip. When you tell a guy you are still good friends with an ex, that translates to, "we still hook up occasionally."
2. Always wait to hear how many people they've slept with before you reveal your numbers. Anything above 10 is generally considered slutty, and anything below 5 is generally considered a lie.
3. Every guy has one "dorky" hobby; some guys play computer games like Everquest, others build paper airplanes. While I know you're desperate to change them, let them have this one thing, it will keep them sane.
4. Guys like it when it's bare, you know where. "If a girl's got a nice box I'll go down on her anytime." (Anthony, 19) If that doesn't say it, I don't know what does.
5. They don't like your drunken alter ego. If he's really nice he will hold your hair back while you puke, but you are still the girl who puked.
6. Never walk into the bathroom without knocking first, there are some things that guys just don't want us to see (or smell). If they are in there for more then 10 minutes you should wait about 20 before you walk through that door.
7. If you haven't heard the expression, it goes something like this, "Bros before hoes." "Don't criticize a friend of your man unless he brings it up first."
(Brian, 20)
8. Try not to go through their shit. Once you do, don't tell them.
9. Guys like compliments too. If you tell them you like their shirt, chances are they will remember and wear that shirt again.
10. If they smell like pot, they've probably been smoking. If they smell like booze, they've probably been drinking. Put your interrogation flashlight away.
11. They look at Internet porn.
12. If you approach it the right way, you can get any guy to watch Sex and the City with you.
13. They have probably hooked up with one of your friends, and if they haven't, they want to.
14. If a guy has small hands or feet, don't comment on it, unless you're prepared for an awkward situation.
15. If a guy asks you to chill, it's okay to bring a friend the first time—from then on, save the sidekick for parties and other social events.
16. They like getting head more than giving it.
17. A framed picture of yourself as a gift is creepy. Anything from Sharper Image should do the trick.
18. Some guys pee sitting down.
19. If they tell you they "already have a Beirut partner," they don't want to hook up with you.
20. If a guy seems into you but doesn't act on it, there is a chance that one of his friends wants you.
21. Guys will silence your calls when they are a) At a sporting event, b) At the bar, or c) Hooking up with another girl.
22. If a guy's Facebook status says "single," he is not your boyfriend.
23. Sometimes sports take priority over sex.
24. They don't want to hear about your period. Period.
25. "Guys like girls who are into religion, because it gives them something to believe in—and something to scream during sex." (Justin Rebello, 22)













47 Comments
Haha that part about the facebook is hilarious
good lord, you do your research. im not sure ive ever seen a better list.
boobies, food and video games
except for error #18 (only gay men do that), you are the wisest woman alive... please share your wisdom to all females!!!
max, brooklyn, ny
You have a great mastery of the male psyche. Need a beer pong buddie?
"Sometimes sports take priority over sex"
Dear Shigeru Miyamoto and Hideo Kojima, NO.
"Guys like girls who are into religion, because it gives them something to believe in—and something to scream during sex"
Yeah, right.. And lots of reasons why they say "no" to anything mildly kinky. Go agnostics!
Well done and mostly realistic.
Wow, I want to argue, but I can't... good list.
Pee sitting down? Chicks into religion? Fuck that shit. Gus like it when A) a girl swallows, B) Her moods don't change like the wind and C) she doesn't act like a bitch.
All the rest of what you said is brilliance.
Nice. List is dead on. Hey, talk to my girlfriend. Let her know all of this
I'm totally w/ stan on this one. Religious chicks suck for the most part.
<b>...and just think how many guys she must have banged to compile all this knowledge...</b>
4 its not the bare part for all... but it is the nice box part
11 unless they work for one
16 nope... not all... personally i hate it
Also, sports is interchangeable with videogames... I hate sports but I treat videogames just as this author describes sports and men.
I agree on everything you said, you couldnt be more right with two exceptions. Only gays guys pee sitting down and nothing takes priority over SEX. Think about it what would a real guy rather see a hot naked girl wanting to do the nasty more importantly WANTING TO DO IT WITH HIM or other guys throwing a freaking ball around a field.
hey, i don't know what school you go to or who you hang out with, but this i do know. You go to a bad school and your friends are a bunch of closet homos/retards.
i can't put into words how stupid the whole article is, or how dumb the people that like it are.
ouch...maybe ryan and zelda should get some hobbies. that way you two "fucking morons" wont sit around all day reading college humor articles and then bashing them. but thats just my opinion. ali, your article was great. some people just dont understand that obviously it isnt all true and wasnt made to prove some theory.
Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?
This is almost as bad as the "26 things a perfect guy would do" list. All of these people lauding this piece of crap as brilliance are idiots. This girl is a sophomore in college. She can't possibly know shit about guys, as this stupid list demonstrates.
While some of these are generally true, some are just retarded.
#2: Yes, excellent advice because all good relationships are built on a strong foundation of lies.
#5: Huh? Maybe they just don't like yours. Something tells me they don't like your sober alter-ego either.
#6: Do people normally walk into bathrooms without knocking first? Dumb.
#8: This actually starts as good advice, but then you fuck it up. (Surprise!) You shouldn't go through anyone's shit. It shows a lack of trust. And seriously, how many women do you know who can keep their traps shut when in possession of sensitive information?
#10: Filler. Besides, what the fuck is an interrogation flashlight?
#11: WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T KNOW THIS?
#14: More stupidity. I presume you're trying to relate this to penis size. There is no scientific evidence to support this. Anyone who believes this is a moron. Any guy who gets awkward about his small hands or feet is an insecure pussy.
#18: Yea, they're called paraplegics.
#21: d)not wanting to hear your grating voice spout off bullshit that you know nothing about.
#25: I think Justin was making a funny and you didn't get it. And if you did get it, his poor joke has no business being on the list.
This list may be accurate in your circle of influence which suggests to me that you may want to find some new friends.
1. Not my favorite topic, but secure enough to listen to it, hell I may learn something here.
2. Keep waiting, I'm not a big enough dick to spill that kind of toxicity into a relationship.
3. You'll have to settle for peeing while sitting.
4. No argument from me, but not universal. Surprisingly not all guys like huge tits either.
5. No argument here.
6. Not sure what the motivation is here. I'd be more worried about why you feel the need to be close to me at this particular time.
7. If you check in the mirror and get the OK to criticize someone far be it from me to stop you.
8. This says a lot more about you than how a guy is gonna feel about it.
9. I agree.
10. Zakly
11. Not all of them. It dilutes the real thing. Find one that understands that concept.
12. I'd watch Oprah if you rub my back.
13. Thats code for your in the wrong crowd.
14. No opinion
15. No its not, but funny you think so.
16. Better to give then receive
17. Sharper Image? Save your money and just end it now.
18. True dat.
19. WTF
20. If your bra and panties match you increase your odds 100x
21. Anytime and for no specific reason
22. Good call
23. Umm that would be never.
24. I like a heads up, schedule a vacation, hang with the guys and generally stay the hell away from you.
25. This is pretty far off the Mark. Matt, Luke or John for that matter.
commenters are assholes
(get it?)
Hey Ali,
I think your list hits the nail on the head. As for the guys peeing sitting down.. i only do this on saturday and sunday mornings... hangover time.
No man shouls sit to piss. If you want to sit to piss then go ahead and have your little operation and make it official.
okay, this is the deal...it is a college humor website, i wrote this to be humorous...however, i have dated guys who piss sitting down. no- they are not gay, occasionally, they are too drunk or would just prefer not to piss all over the seat, also- the religion thing was purely a joke- justin is a writer for this website, that's the only reason it is on this list. as far as the sports before sex thing goes, my ex boyfriend was a hockey player and thought it was unluckly to have sex before the game- i hope that explains things for some of you, ali
Understandable, If someone can't handle a little hangover or they can't hit the mark. Cool let em piss sitting down. I still think it's some weak stuff. Be a man, Naw, be a person with pride and handle business the way it should be handled.
If a man values sports over sex, he has issues.
I don't mean to make this opinion page. I apologize. Just gotta voice those opinions though.
The religion thing is just stupid. If a guy is religious himself he might prefer it, but those that aren't would in almost every situation prefer girls that aren't. If a girl is smart enough to realize religion is crap, she's probably cool too - always good.
<i>Nothing</i> is worse than a girl who preaches religion to you.
Short and sweet, albeit contentious at some points. Good work overall. The truth is that it is *only* 25 things about guys. We're not exactly as vast in breadth as the cosmos, but we're certainly more than 25 details.
And to whom it may concern, internet comedy writer = license to define one's idea of humor globally. Critiques are welcome but keep such in perspective (again, this is *her* list of 25 things...)
Total Bullshit. Nothing to see here move along.
you people need to get a life... leave the poor girl alone... it was obviously meant to be funny, and if you don't see the humor in it, write your own article or chug a nice, warm, tall glass of shut the hell up!
<b></b>Funny article Ali. I enjoyed it. Especially the facebook rule :)
A few notes:
-You're supposed to be a writer, yet you use ellipses as a catch-all form of punctuation.
-You clearly date latent homosexuals.
-Your post doesn't explain why you wrote a list of inapplicable "jokes", painfully commonplace things, bad advice, and stuff pertaining solely to your relationships as things someone should know about men.
-You're a barely legal woman. Why are you even attempting to write on the subject?
-BRYCE, the problem isn't that we don't understand that the article is supposed to be funny. We do. It's just that it isn't funny because women aren't funny. Maybe you should go wash your car. When you get to the interior, be sure to get inside, close all doors, and use a nice mixture of bleach and ammonia.
chaz- while i appriciate your feedback, i fail to understand why you would read my column at all if you think women aren't funny. a little advice for next time, move the mouse a couple of centimeters up or down, and read one of the other guys.
OK, anybody who says they wouldn't once in a while prefer watching a game (or playing Madden, whatever) to sex has <b>OBVIOUSLY</b> not been in a real relationship.
If you're without sex for weeks or months, then yes, of course, you'd prefer getting laid to watching football. But if you have sex with your girlfriend 5,6,7 times a week or more, and it's the 4th quarter of a close game and she wants it...well, she might have to wait a little while. Sorry.
You'll find out all about this when you grow up, dudes.
Numbers 25, 23 and 18 are utter crap. Otherwise, funny and informative (to girls anyways) article. Nice Job.
Oh and John (two posts down) you are an idiot. Just because i dont live vicariously through my sports icons doesnt mean i havent been in a "real relationship" it means i'd rather get my rocks off with a chick than watch a bunch of sweaty guys run around.
In reality, you can't do a list of 25 things to know about guys without using the words "LARGE BREASTS" at least once. Other than that, nice job.
oh my
i think this is so stupid and so not true some of it is but most of it's not i htink who every made this up needs to look deeper into a guy before talking!
i don't get number 22....
well i laughed
Oh and Aaron ( 6 posts down) you obvisouly have had No relationship cause its true fact....if u had sex 4,5,6 times a week and the superbowl was on...YEa i'd go with the superbowl and then sex...cause well had it 6 times this week whats gunna change about it?
Oh and Aaron (6 posts down) sweaty guys? is that honestly how u look at sports? Hmmmm.....well REAL men look at the sport as a battle and intense action. If you honestly see jsut sweaty dudes.......im afriad u got a case of gay lol
22 is true
You know, for as much talk as all you guys have about relationships, you sure spend a lot of time arguing about it - <b>on a fucking comment box from a college oriented website.</b>
Funny article nonetheless. I enjoyed it.
Is it bad to let a guy know you are a virgin and you plan to keep it that way? Ive heard there's some kind of contest where guys try to get a virgin to have sex with them.
That contest is called 'life.'
No, seriously though, that contest only takes place in American Pie-type movies.
You should tell him you plan to keep it that way (although I hope you don't keep it that way, for his sake and the sake of all bros everywhere), because he'll find out eventually (for example, WHEN HE TRIES TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU)...
I am going to keep it that way because that is what I believe in and I will not change that for anyone!
If all guys are like this, that's a pretty shitty deal.
This list is maybe 20% applicable, at least for the guys I deal with. My type of guy is usually more mature, intelligent, and, yes, religious than the pricks you must be referring to. If this is what the average American guy has evolved into, then that's pretty sad. They used to value honor, honesty, and respect...and, once upon a time, they had respect for women. If they're all about just booze, sex, and sports nowadays then they should really be ashamed of themselves. That's a pitiful f-ing existence.
i dont get 4
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