25 Things You Should Know About Guys

>>> About Last Night...
By staff writer Ali Wisch
November 23, 2005

When it comes to guys, you can usually narrow it down to three things: sports, sex, and beer. However, there are some things you might not know about the male that go beyond their favorite team, position, and alcoholic beverage. For your enjoyment, I present 25 things about guys you probably didn't know, didn't want to know, or didn't take the time to notice.

1. As much as you want to talk about past relationships, zip the lip. When you tell a guy you are still good friends with an ex, that translates to, "we still hook up occasionally."

2. Always wait to hear how many people they've slept with before you reveal your numbers. Anything above 10 is generally considered slutty, and anything below 5 is generally considered a lie.

3. Every guy has one "dorky" hobby; some guys play computer games like Everquest, others build paper airplanes. While I know you're desperate to change them, let them have this one thing, it will keep them sane.

4. Guys like it when it's bare, you know where. "If a girl's got a nice box I'll go down on her anytime." (Anthony, 19) If that doesn't say it, I don't know what does.

5. They don't like your drunken alter ego. If he's really nice he will hold your hair back while you puke, but you are still the girl who puked.

6. Never walk into the bathroom without knocking first, there are some things that guys just don't want us to see (or smell). If they are in there for more then 10 minutes you should wait about 20 before you walk through that door.

7. If you haven't heard the expression, it goes something like this, "Bros before hoes." "Don't criticize a friend of your man unless he brings it up first."
(Brian, 20)

8. Try not to go through their shit. Once you do, don't tell them.

9. Guys like compliments too. If you tell them you like their shirt, chances are they will remember and wear that shirt again.

10. If they smell like pot, they've probably been smoking. If they smell like booze, they've probably been drinking. Put your interrogation flashlight away.

11. They look at Internet porn.

12. If you approach it the right way, you can get any guy to watch Sex and the City with you.

13. They have probably hooked up with one of your friends, and if they haven't, they want to.

14. If a guy has small hands or feet, don't comment on it, unless you're prepared for an awkward situation.

15. If a guy asks you to chill, it's okay to bring a friend the first time—from then on, save the sidekick for parties and other social events.

16. They like getting head more than giving it.

17. A framed picture of yourself as a gift is creepy. Anything from Sharper Image should do the trick.

18. Some guys pee sitting down.

19. If they tell you they "already have a Beirut partner," they don't want to hook up with you.

20. If a guy seems into you but doesn't act on it, there is a chance that one of his friends wants you.

21. Guys will silence your calls when they are a) At a sporting event, b) At the bar, or c) Hooking up with another girl.

22. If a guy's Facebook status says "single," he is not your boyfriend.

23. Sometimes sports take priority over sex.

24. They don't want to hear about your period. Period.

25. "Guys like girls who are into religion, because it gives them something to believe in—and something to scream during sex." (Justin Rebello, 22)



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Haha that part about the facebook is hilarious

that happened to me lol

is the part abt facebook true? my bf hasnt changed his status...

The part about Facebook is most certainly not true. Most guys don't use Facebook very often, and if they do, they don't realize or remember details like changing relationship status. Facebook isn't everything.

good lord, you do your research. im not sure ive ever seen a better list.

boobies, food and video games

except for error #18 (only gay men do that), you are the wisest woman alive... please share your wisdom to all females!!!
max, brooklyn, ny

You have a great mastery of the male psyche. Need a beer pong buddie?

"Sometimes sports take priority over sex"
Dear Shigeru Miyamoto and Hideo Kojima, NO.

"Guys like girls who are into religion, because it gives them something to believe in—and something to scream during sex"
Yeah, right.. And lots of reasons why they say "no" to anything mildly kinky. Go agnostics!

Well done and mostly realistic.

Wow, I want to argue, but I can't... good list.

Pee sitting down? Chicks into religion? Fuck that shit. Gus like it when A) a girl swallows, B) Her moods don't change like the wind and C) she doesn't act like a bitch.

All the rest of what you said is brilliance.

You, my man, are looking at a plastic sex doll or a prostitute.

We do not always like when the swallow, also their moods WILL change, they're not robots.

I just agree on the bitch part. But you talk like a douche too.

Nice. List is dead on. Hey, talk to my girlfriend. Let her know all of this

I'm totally w/ stan on this one. Religious chicks suck for the most part.

<b>...and just think how many guys she must have banged to compile all this knowledge...</b>

4 its not the bare part for all... but it is the nice box part
11 unless they work for one
16 nope... not all... personally i hate it

Also, sports is interchangeable with videogames... I hate sports but I treat videogames just as this author describes sports and men.

# 16: Agreed. Hate getting it, love giving it.

I agree on everything you said, you couldnt be more right with two exceptions. Only gays guys pee sitting down and nothing takes priority over SEX. Think about it what would a real guy rather see a hot naked girl wanting to do the nasty more importantly WANTING TO DO IT WITH HIM or other guys throwing a freaking ball around a field.

hey, i don't know what school you go to or who you hang out with, but this i do know. You go to a bad school and your friends are a bunch of closet homos/retards.

i can't put into words how stupid the whole article is, or how dumb the people that like it are.

WORD!!!

you must be a guy that no girl would even consider being with and guys probly don't digg hangin with you either. so of course you don't agree because you know nothing about the list from a personal stand point.

ouch...maybe ryan and zelda should get some hobbies. that way you two "fucking morons" wont sit around all day reading college humor articles and then bashing them. but thats just my opinion. ali, your article was great. some people just dont understand that obviously it isnt all true and wasnt made to prove some theory.

Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?

This is almost as bad as the "26 things a perfect guy would do" list. All of these people lauding this piece of crap as brilliance are idiots. This girl is a sophomore in college. She can't possibly know shit about guys, as this stupid list demonstrates.

While some of these are generally true, some are just retarded.

#2: Yes, excellent advice because all good relationships are built on a strong foundation of lies.

#5: Huh? Maybe they just don't like yours. Something tells me they don't like your sober alter-ego either.

#6: Do people normally walk into bathrooms without knocking first? Dumb.

#8: This actually starts as good advice, but then you fuck it up. (Surprise!) You shouldn't go through anyone's shit. It shows a lack of trust. And seriously, how many women do you know who can keep their traps shut when in possession of sensitive information?

#10: Filler. Besides, what the fuck is an interrogation flashlight?

#11: WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T KNOW THIS?

#14: More stupidity. I presume you're trying to relate this to penis size. There is no scientific evidence to support this. Anyone who believes this is a moron. Any guy who gets awkward about his small hands or feet is an insecure pussy.

#18: Yea, they're called paraplegics.

#21: d)not wanting to hear your grating voice spout off bullshit that you know nothing about.

#25: I think Justin was making a funny and you didn't get it. And if you did get it, his poor joke has no business being on the list.

I agree with this

Dude your the stupid sad one if you like looking and searching for these articles and then bullshitting about them. Get a life...Moron

ahahaha oh god you win. I couldn't explain my feelings on this shit any better.

I just fell in love with you, 5 years late sorry.

ouch.... well she attempted to help out other chicks right? Yea most of this stuff is obviously common sense, but it's not like she asked for your complete and extreme judgment. But hey what would I know ? I'm just a chick.

This list may be accurate in your circle of influence which suggests to me that you may want to find some new friends.

1. Not my favorite topic, but secure enough to listen to it, hell I may learn something here.

2. Keep waiting, I'm not a big enough dick to spill that kind of toxicity into a relationship.

3. You'll have to settle for peeing while sitting.

4. No argument from me, but not universal. Surprisingly not all guys like huge tits either.

5. No argument here.

6. Not sure what the motivation is here. I'd be more worried about why you feel the need to be close to me at this particular time.

7. If you check in the mirror and get the OK to criticize someone far be it from me to stop you.

8. This says a lot more about you than how a guy is gonna feel about it.

9. I agree.

10. Zakly

11. Not all of them. It dilutes the real thing. Find one that understands that concept.

12. I'd watch Oprah if you rub my back.

13. Thats code for your in the wrong crowd.

14. No opinion

15. No its not, but funny you think so.

16. Better to give then receive

17. Sharper Image? Save your money and just end it now.

18. True dat.

19. WTF

20. If your bra and panties match you increase your odds 100x

21. Anytime and for no specific reason

22. Good call

23. Umm that would be never.

24. I like a heads up, schedule a vacation, hang with the guys and generally stay the hell away from you.

25. This is pretty far off the Mark. Matt, Luke or John for that matter.

commenters are assholes

(get it?)

Hey Ali,

I think your list hits the nail on the head. As for the guys peeing sitting down.. i only do this on saturday and sunday mornings... hangover time.

No man shouls sit to piss. If you want to sit to piss then go ahead and have your little operation and make it official.

What if it's more comfortable to sit? ahahha Just kidding :)

okay, this is the deal...it is a college humor website, i wrote this to be humorous...however, i have dated guys who piss sitting down. no- they are not gay, occasionally, they are too drunk or would just prefer not to piss all over the seat, also- the religion thing was purely a joke- justin is a writer for this website, that's the only reason it is on this list. as far as the sports before sex thing goes, my ex boyfriend was a hockey player and thought it was unluckly to have sex before the game- i hope that explains things for some of you, ali

Understandable, If someone can't handle a little hangover or they can't hit the mark. Cool let em piss sitting down. I still think it's some weak stuff. Be a man, Naw, be a person with pride and handle business the way it should be handled.
If a man values sports over sex, he has issues.
I don't mean to make this opinion page. I apologize. Just gotta voice those opinions though.

The religion thing is just stupid. If a guy is religious himself he might prefer it, but those that aren't would in almost every situation prefer girls that aren't. If a girl is smart enough to realize religion is crap, she's probably cool too - always good.

<i>Nothing</i> is worse than a girl who preaches religion to you.

Damn right! And I'ma girl. Most people don't know crap when you start asking the difficult questions. I always get "because god loves you" as the answer >:0

Short and sweet, albeit contentious at some points. Good work overall. The truth is that it is *only* 25 things about guys. We're not exactly as vast in breadth as the cosmos, but we're certainly more than 25 details.

And to whom it may concern, internet comedy writer = license to define one's idea of humor globally. Critiques are welcome but keep such in perspective (again, this is *her* list of 25 things...)

Total Bullshit. Nothing to see here move along.

you people need to get a life... leave the poor girl alone... it was obviously meant to be funny, and if you don't see the humor in it, write your own article or chug a nice, warm, tall glass of shut the hell up!

Thank you Bryce! some people are so stuck on being a critic and tryin to make people feel stupid that they don't realize that they are making themselves look like big time assholes and not intellectuals.

<b></b>Funny article Ali. I enjoyed it. Especially the facebook rule :)

A few notes:

-You're supposed to be a writer, yet you use ellipses as a catch-all form of punctuation.

-You clearly date latent homosexuals.

-Your post doesn't explain why you wrote a list of inapplicable "jokes", painfully commonplace things, bad advice, and stuff pertaining solely to your relationships as things someone should know about men.

-You're a barely legal woman. Why are you even attempting to write on the subject?

-BRYCE, the problem isn't that we don't understand that the article is supposed to be funny. We do. It's just that it isn't funny because women aren't funny. Maybe you should go wash your car. When you get to the interior, be sure to get inside, close all doors, and use a nice mixture of bleach and ammonia.

chaz- while i appriciate your feedback, i fail to understand why you would read my column at all if you think women aren't funny. a little advice for next time, move the mouse a couple of centimeters up or down, and read one of the other guys.

OK, anybody who says they wouldn't once in a while prefer watching a game (or playing Madden, whatever) to sex has <b>OBVIOUSLY</b> not been in a real relationship.

If you're without sex for weeks or months, then yes, of course, you'd prefer getting laid to watching football. But if you have sex with your girlfriend 5,6,7 times a week or more, and it's the 4th quarter of a close game and she wants it...well, she might have to wait a little while. Sorry.

You'll find out all about this when you grow up, dudes.

Numbers 25, 23 and 18 are utter crap. Otherwise, funny and informative (to girls anyways) article. Nice Job.

Oh and John (two posts down) you are an idiot. Just because i dont live vicariously through my sports icons doesnt mean i havent been in a "real relationship" it means i'd rather get my rocks off with a chick than watch a bunch of sweaty guys run around.

In reality, you can't do a list of 25 things to know about guys without using the words "LARGE BREASTS" at least once. Other than that, nice job.

oh my

i think this is so stupid and so not true some of it is but most of it's not i htink who every made this up needs to look deeper into a guy before talking!

i don't get number 22....

well i laughed

Oh and Aaron ( 6 posts down) you obvisouly have had No relationship cause its true fact....if u had sex 4,5,6 times a week and the superbowl was on...YEa i'd go with the superbowl and then sex...cause well had it 6 times this week whats gunna change about it?

Oh and Aaron (6 posts down) sweaty guys? is that honestly how u look at sports? Hmmmm.....well REAL men look at the sport as a battle and intense action. If you honestly see jsut sweaty dudes.......im afriad u got a case of gay lol

Stupid comment of the reply:

Duuude! Sports AND sex at the same time! Dream to have it all!

22 is true

You know, for as much talk as all you guys have about relationships, you sure spend a lot of time arguing about it - <b>on a fucking comment box from a college oriented website.</b>

Funny article nonetheless. I enjoyed it.

Is it bad to let a guy know you are a virgin and you plan to keep it that way? Ive heard there's some kind of contest where guys try to get a virgin to have sex with them.

That contest is called 'life.'
No, seriously though, that contest only takes place in American Pie-type movies.
You should tell him you plan to keep it that way (although I hope you don't keep it that way, for his sake and the sake of all bros everywhere), because he'll find out eventually (for example, WHEN HE TRIES TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU)...

I am going to keep it that way because that is what I believe in and I will not change that for anyone!

If all guys are like this, that's a pretty shitty deal.

This list is maybe 20% applicable, at least for the guys I deal with. My type of guy is usually more mature, intelligent, and, yes, religious than the pricks you must be referring to. If this is what the average American guy has evolved into, then that's pretty sad. They used to value honor, honesty, and respect...and, once upon a time, they had respect for women. If they're all about just booze, sex, and sports nowadays then they should really be ashamed of themselves. That's a pitiful f-ing existence.

i dont get 4

this is horrible. dumbest thing ive ever heard. maybe 3 good ones up there, at most. shouldn't a guy be writing about guys?

My boyfriend always wants to know when my periods on.

Uhhhm, if you look on www.quizilla.com and type in 60 things girls don't know about guys, I asked my brother about all the things on the list and around 40-50 were proved right.
But then again that is just my brother, maybe he's lying.

This is so stupid. Under 5 is a lie? So there are no men in this world who slept with less than 5 women? I agree there are a lot of low men out there....but this clearly doesnt speak for all of them. Ive know plenty of decent guys who cant even be compared to this list.

There are. But we tend to show off how we "rule" by using numbers like that... "more than 6 inches long...", "more than women...", "more than 10 beers..."

So the writer of this post.

That's like, absolutely true! Thanks so much for telling me this. I'm so clueless about men. :p

That's like, absolutely true! Thanks so much for telling me this. I'm so clueless about men. :p

This is great some of it is too funny (: I freaking love it and the one about his friend liking me got to me.. cause i believe its true .-.

Fuck religion, and fuck sports. Other than that, this was a decent list.

I have to say i agreed with most of this list and it was quite amusing. especially the bit about the friend liking you bit cause that is REALLY true, I have been in this situation before where i liked a girl but my mate liked her first so i didnt try anything. Things i disagree with though are the shaven bit, i personally almost prefer unshaven but at the same time ireally dont care and the period bit, again if im in a serious relationship i like to know when they are on thier period so i can be supportive and get to know more about the girl im dating. also the getting head more than giving thing...depends on the guy, i like both.
again this isnt me taking the post seriously cause i know its meant to be funny but just a few little observations
nice job

awww :) how sweet :D

this is pretty funny i dont get why people are getting so upset about this she even said it was mostly just a joke
but i was kinda happy to find out some of those were a joke though lol

thankyu!!!!!!!!!!!!

What i dont understand is No 11, when a man already have the REAL thing at hand waiting for them eagerly in bed, WHY look elsewhere ??

maybe he's not satisfied :0

Not really. We tend to be horny a lot almost everytime so we need to let go some steam by looking at porn...because looking at that naked photo of yours all the time would be creepy, right?

Also, we are not looking for a partner or a future girlfriend when looking at porn, really.

i think number 25 is super funny and number 24 is dead on!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love number 25 im gonna start screeming stuff like that when i fucking somebody!!!!!!!

No guy really enjoys having a list to generalize them, I mean most of this list is common sense, but every guy is different. This list (to me) kinda made me not wanna date guys, but you just listed the not so fun part of them. :\ Yea I could be completely wrong but once you get to know a guy, there is more to him than sports, sex, & beer. I know some guys who are so nice they go out and buy their girl friends tampons (aw) It's hard to generalize so many people.

can anyone argue with #4?? i mean, seriously!!

We kind of want to know about your period! We don't like to see red down there while doing it.

Now, jokes appart:

We would be nicer and with more patience if we know in advance that you are having your period.

That will explain to us about your mood changes and will tell us to shut up about doing jokes that normally are funny but just this time of the month will make you cry.

and this is why most guys are douchebags.

Some of these are very good, but others really couldn't be more wrong and probably only apply to the guys you know, in which case, you need to hang around better guys.

The best thing you've said is that most guys have one "dorky" hobby and you shouldn't make them give it up. I'd say that's pretty true, but you really shouldn't try to change a guy. If you don't like something that he really likes THAT much, then maybe he's just not the guy for you.

1. Great advice. Never talk about exes. If they were jerks, then it looks like you have a lot of emotional baggage, which is offputting. If they were good/nice, then you might make your new guy jealous.

2. I agree with one of your dissenters on this. This should be something you talk about much later into the relationship, not on a first date or anything, and you shouldn't lie about it either.

3. As stated earlier, every guy has a hobby that they'd never want to give up. Let them have it. But you should be more open-minded and let them have as many of their hobbies as possible. Otherwise, you become bossy and I think that's a nigh universal thing that guys don't like.

4. Meh. I don't care either way. As long as it's not literally a bush. Some hair down there can look really sexy.

5. True for me. You get drunk when we're together, you're the drunk girl, and I'd probably dump you soon after depending on what you did in your drunken state.

6. Why are you waiting outside the bathroom? None of the women I have known have waited outside the bathroom for me while I was in there taking care of business. Sounds like this is advice for women who are a bit too needy and attention-starved, and can't give their guy a few minutes to do something that every person should be allowed the privacy to do. This should be a common sense thing that applies to both genders.

7. Just don't criticize their friends unless their friends criticize you. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything. You come off as a bitch if you talk s*** about a guy's friend, unless it's a joke or something not too hurtful.

8. NEVER GO THROUGH THEIR S***. We don't go through yours, so be just as courteous.

9. Definitely a great piece of advice. Probably the best point on here.

10. If they reek of it, chances are they did and you're right to suspect them. Good point.

11. An unfair generalization. A lot of men do, yes, but it's a bit harsh to just assume they do.

12. You can get a guy to do ANYTHING just by flirting or having sex with him. As much as I hate SatC, I'd watch it if my girlfriend 'persuaded' me to.

13. This has got to be one of your least accurate theories. Unless by 'friends' you mean facebook friends, which everyone has like 300 so it'd be hard not to. And also, "if they haven't, they want to?" What? That's an unfair generalization and definitely doesn't apply to every man, and I'd wager it doesn't apply to 90% of men.

14. Small hands/feet doesn't mean small penis. Neither does large hands/feet mean large penis. How about you get to know the guy and date him for his personality and not his hands and feet?

15. Decent point, but not your best. When guys try to hook up at a bar or something, more often than not, he's gotta get through your wall of friends to reach you. So bringing your friend or friends along to anything that you're going to with your boyfriend is probably not the best idea.

16. Not necessarily true. I actually prefer focusing my attention on her during times of intimacy. I get more pleasure knowing I satisfied her needs and worry if I feel I'm the only one who was satisfied.

17. ...Yeah, good point, but I doubt too many women really give this kind of thing as a gift.

18. True. If I'm already doing the number 2, I'm not gonna stand up and turn around to pee. I'll just let go while I'm comfortable.

19. Never heard that expression. No comment.

20. I honestly don't see your logic there. If one guy seems to want to go out with you but doesn't ask you out, then that means two guys want to go out with you? What it most likely means is he has no idea if you like him back and isn't making a move for that reason OR he's just the shy type and would prefer it if you asked him. That's a point you should add on here: Many guys like being asked out rather than having to make the move themselves.

21. Adding that third bit is just gonna make your female readers start breaking your 'Don't go through their s***' rule. Sporting event? Probably. Bar? Probably not.

22. Good point.

23. I consider myself a gentleman, and even if I replace the word 'sports' with 'movies' or 'video games' which appeal to me more, I gotta disagree with you on this notion. Replace "sex" in your rule with the word "quality time" or "a romantic dinner" and I'd agree with you. I know it doesn't make us sound more gentlemanly, but it's certainly more accurate. A guy will stop everything for sex. You could be having sex with your boyfriend and while having sex, say, "Let's have sex," and he'll stop everything and have sex, even though he was just having sex.

24. Yeah, good point. I'd like to know when you're on it so I can keep my distance and make sure I don't say anything that can trigger a periodical mood swing, but anything more is really meh. I'll sit through it, but I'd really rather not, it's a bit of a chore.

25. For me, this couldn't be more wrong. Religion does more good than bad in the world, so I won't say 'Don't be religious' but if someone is really into religion, then negative qualities like ignorance and hatred can develop and that's when religion goes overboard. So for me, I try to avoid the overly religious girls. Plus, as others have mentioned, religious girls can be a bit prudish.

You have some very good points in there, but every now and then, a good rule of thumb is followed by a back-up statement that kinda ruins it like in the 'searching through their s***' thing or an alternative that isn't exactly the best substitute either like your 'Bros before hoes' thing. There are some great nuggets of information for women to learn in this article, but not everything is true. Some of your rules are based entirely on quotes from friends of yours, which isn't the best way to go about generalizing men as a whole.

Best point: Guys like compliments too.
Worst point: Guys have hooked up with one of your friends or at least want to.

An entertaining read. If I could add one on here, it'd be that some guys like it when the girl asks them out. Guys can be shy and need a lot of coaxing to get the courage to ask a girl out, and I'm sure that more outgoing guys could agree too, since bars are a popular place to meet women and more often than not, the girl they want is 'protected' by friends that you have separate from the primary objective before you can talk to her.

As if any girl would like giving head more than receiving it.
What a stupid point. Of course everyone likes getting head more than giving it. I think any girl who didn't realise that would have to be stupid, and any guy who thought differently about girls must have a dick instead of a head.

This very stereotypical and generally untrue

This is rudely, abrasively fantastic. It has got to be true! Kudos!!

Great list buttttttt a religious girl is a major turn off for me personally, believing in god is one thing but churchy girls are nooo and I'm not a horn dog or anything religion should stay out of the relashionship unless the guy has strong relegious views. But again great list :D

sssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

clearly a sexiest woman who wrote this as a guy would never choose football before sex unless he was gay

The religion part is BS, atheist guys like atheist girls.

Genuine Mach's picture

"They like getting head more than giving it." Not true for me, there's less intimacy involved. And by that I mean the visual (and/or auditory) ROI on pleasure is much greater. Which translates to "both preferences can plausibly belong to a seflish asshat."

;)

#23--no. unless you happen to be with a girl for whom watching sports (or generally being dismissive of sex because of something else you're too engrossed in) is an aphrodisiac. But then that's still prioritizing sex, isn't it? lol.

The rest is pretty much true, if not for me at least for people I know or have spoken to.