So last night I had the distinct honor of breaking my first bone: my right hand’s pinky finger.

I didn’t expect for it not to hurt, but it’s not too painful. The problem is, that in order for it to heal, I just taped it up to my ring finger, thus nearly making my right hand worthless. And trust me, not having something makes you appreciate it that much more (see, Justin Rebello and sex). Also, my left hand is pretty much useless.

In only a few hours, I’ve compiled a list of shit I can’t do, without my right hand’s pinky or ring finger.

-jerk off (the tape is very abrasive)
-type..at least, quickly
-accept a marraige proposal
-because I can’t bend them down, I can’t even flip a motherfucker off
-play any musical instrument, especially the harmonica
-use a lighter, pen or open a condom packet
-dance…it throws off my balace alright?!
-THE SHOCKER (I can do the reverse shocker though )
-pinky swear
-hold a tea cup in the Southern gentleman-esque manner
-I can’t open a bottle of tylenol, which is nice
-take a shower
-allow you to sleep in my bed tonight…
-you can come over for a bit
-I’ve got a meeting tomorrow and well…I just need to get up early

Dictated to Nate, my douchebag neighbor who can’t spell for shit.

(Hey, you fucking dickhead I’m not a douchebag)

Well at least you can’t spell…

(Yep.)