The Barbie doll is an icon, a role model, and a reflection of women through many decades. Since Barbie’s introduction in 1959, Mattel has repeatedly attempted to modernize Barbie’s fashion and career choices. Once relegated to girlfriend status and domestic housework, Barbie has evolved into a modern woman who has pursued many jobs and professions, such as Architect Barbie and Doctor Barbie. Mattel has not made much effort, however, to bring Barbie into the 21st century. These new Barbie dolls will provide girls with contemporary alternatives to existing Barbie dolls.
1. Rehab Barbie
Barbie is definitely not one to miss a growing trend! Rehab Barbie is off to rehab with a hot pink valise and a journal in which to write her innermost thoughts about why she enjoys diet pills and booze so much. She has her plastic fingers crossed that a very famous starlet (who also likes mind-altering substances in excess) will be her roommate! And it’s a much needed break from Ken’s mind-numbing lack of testosterone.
2. Facebook Barbie
Barbie needs to keep in touch with her 500 million Facebook friends so Facebook Barbie spends a lot of time catching up with her peeps and posting food-porn pictures of desserts she will never eat. But mostly she loves posting pictures of herself. Anywhere. Anytime. In this outfit or that outfit. Facebook Barbie posts copious pictures of herself and Ken in front of famous sites around the world so everyone will know that Barbie isn’t stuck at home doing housework anymore.
3. Xbox Barbie
Barbie enjoys killing aliens, mutants and creatures from the future as much as any adolescent boy and she has the thumb-dexterity to prove it. Barbie plays online under the gamertag "Barbie’s Boobs" and her gamer icon is a busty blond not unlike herself. Team-up with Barbie for an over-the-top kill ratio!
4. Hot Flash Barbie
Hot Flash Barbie sports plastic sweat beads on her brow and a big old spare tire of belly fat to accompany her saggy fanny. Hot Flash Barbie enjoys swearing at Ken and speaking her mind about how much those damned high heels hurt her feet, year after year after year. Hot Flash Barbie’s little plastic fingers grip a martini glass and big bottle of vodka, as accessories.
5. Illegal Immigrant Barbie
Illegal immigrant Barbie is tethered to a bunch of children and comes with a compass and a coyote. Her hair is unkempt and her cheeks lack the rosy glow of the 20th century Barbies. She is armed with wire cutters and sandwiches wrapped in tin foil. She clutches Ken’s phone number in the event that she is detained by the Border Patrol.
6. Lesbian Barbie
Lesbian Barbie has finally ejected Ken from her life and replaced him with Kendall, who sports short hair and walks with a confident swagger. Lesbian Barbie has burned her push-up bra and thrown out her high heels in favor of baggy dark clothing and military-style boots. Barbie and Kendall get around town on a pink Harley-Davidson with lots of LGBT decals.
Welcome to the 21st century, all of you new modern Barbies! We look forward to many more Barbies in the coming years to provide children with role models they can relate to in the wonderful world they live in. We all look forward to Terrorist Barbie who will arrive in stores for the holiday season!