My Acceptance Speech After Answering One Question Correctly at Bar Trivia
I am here to keep the small talk alive because everyone else is so locked in that they forget how to socialize.
Tag: Speeches
It Is My Great Honor to Introduce Our Next Guest Speaker Who Will Then Be Introducing Tonight’s Keynote Speaker
When I heard I would be given the honor of introducing tonight’s penultimate speaker, you could imagine my excitement.
This Halftime Locker Room Speech Seems as Good a Time as Any to Confess to My Killing Spree
If we look back to the mistakes, the failures, the death mask grimaces of the asphyxiated faces we’ve left behind, then we’ll never move on.
History’s Great Orators Segue Awkwardly into Plugs for Squarespace
That’s where SquareSpace comes in. For just nine score and nine cents, you can receive six months’ subscription, plus a free domain name.
Best Man Speech for the Worst Couple
Seeing you both now, I think we will sue. Sorry—I think we will. SUE, and Noah, you are clearly blessed.
Abraham Lincoln’s Address at the Gettysburg Target
We cannot hallow—this ground, except of course by playing a consciousness-altering stream of Christmas songs in November and December without pause.
17 Absurd Moments from State of the Union History That Make More Sense Than Anything You’ll Hear Tonight
1975 — Gerald Ford, cognizant of new requirements to look good on TV, overdoes his makeup and inadvertently wins an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.
A Valedictorian Speech Composed Entirely of Staircase-Wit Comebacks
I wish I had said that. Instead, I broke into an ugly cry and stumbled from the room, having jammed a big toe on the life-sized skeleton model.
If Other Awards Ceremonies Were like the Oscars and Emmys
First off, I would like to thank the Ridge Hill Community Soccer organization for re…
An Excerpt “From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts”
Standing on his tiptoes, he craned over their hunched heads, hoping to get a glimpse of the candidates.
Leaving Neil Armstrong’s Homemade Banner Out of “First Man” Ignores That the Moon Landing was a Completely Individual Achievement
When finally he stepped out onto the moon, he spoke those iconic first words: "Look what I did.... all by myself… with no one's help."
Writer’s Block Busted! Political Speechwriters Edition
The first step, of course, is to avoid mirrors. This is essential if you are to eliminate the risk of looking yourself in the eye.