Winter Solstice Blues: How a Broken Bedroom Window Blind Became My Unwanted Alarm Clock
My darkened bedroom alights like a hidden Celtic burial chamber on the first morning of winter, my bed an altar as sleep once again is sacrificed.
Tag: Sleep
Son, You’re Going to Have to Tell Me More About This Guy You Saw Mommy Kissing Underneath the Mistletoe Last Night
First of all, son, I'm not angry with you for peeking downstairs. I just want you to tell Daddy more about the man you saw Mommy kissing, okay?
4 Reasons You Will Fall Asleep During Sex in Your 20’s
Rejecting the opportunity to Google duck penises all night on the internet just to have sex with someone is a slap in the face to Bill Gates.
A Not-So-Routine Checkup with the Doctor in My Fever Dream
DOCTOR: First, your brain. It’s no good. You have a condition known as neuromaniacosis. It means you whine too much.
A Response Letter From Mark Zuckerberg’s Newborn Daughter, August
Hey Dad, I just want to reassure you: I'm not worried about the future. Not even the tiniest amount. Because I'm going to inherit billions of dollars.
When I Need to Handle International Crises, I Stay in a Lovely Trump Hotel
Mar-a-Lago, Trump Tower in New York, Trump Tower in Chicago, all safely outside the war zone. Every single direction, up, down, I built them all.
Flying High in the Xanax Skies
Where was I? How high is high? Why was I sitting there? Had I been sleeping the whole time? Is all of life a dream, as Descartes once suggested?
Michael Keaton White Noise Machine G-550 Owner’s Manual
Combines superior audio quality, advanced technology, and sterling highlights from Michael Keaton’s nearly 40 years in Hollywood!
5 Sample Food Dreams for Eating Less During the Day
At REM Diet Therapy Associates, we program you to dream of your favorite goodies so you wake up satisfied, and eat measurably less in daytime!
How to Not Fall Asleep Quickly: A 12-Step Guide for Single Women
Pick any ex-boyfriend at random, and dwell upon his cruel non-verbal communication - the eye-rolls, smirks, and resentful sighs. Imagine having slapped him every time.
Sleep Apnea: The Art of Choking on Your Own Throat
If I'm prescribed a sleep apnea mask, maybe I'll be able to get through my day without 7 cups of coffee. 7 cups is a normal amount, right?
Living With Glaucoma: What to Expect From Your First Marijuana Treatment
After consuming your marijuana or other THC-laced product, find a comfortable seat in your residence and prepare for a flood of serotonin.