School | Page 18 | Points in Case

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God gave the Israelites corn and said, “Take this. And eat it only off the cob, with little tiny things called corn holders."

Many have told me that there would not be a problem in the first place if I would just get out of the way. Unfortunately, that isn't how I see it.

"It’s A Wonderful Life": George and Mary’s kids, Pete, Janie, Tommy, and Zuzu, all die because George and Mary refused to have them vaccinated.

4. While out caroling with your family aggressively sing, “make the yuletide straight!” when singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas."

"I figured it must be secretly tangy and delicious, like key lime pie yogurt. So, yeah, I tried it. I'm not proud of it, but I did."

Research the Community Parking Regulations: Beverly Hightower, the girl you’ve been in love with since sophomore year, is sitting on your train.

Every year there’s an escalation of more and more extreme Purge spectacles. And honest, hard-working citizens just can’t keep up.

When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”

The worst part was that a local news team ran a story that the reason my mom picked me up was because I was scared.

Can I just say that this is hands down (speaking of hands, I’ve got two of ‘em) my favorite Thanksgiving to date?

If the pound plummets to junk status, Great Britain will return to the barter system. Price will be decided according to value in livestock.

"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."