It’s Me, Rudolph, and I’d Love to Stop Reliving My Childhood Trauma Every Christmas
They say time heals all wounds, but that’s only for people who aren’t known by a nickname based on their biggest insecurity.
Tag: Satire
I Am Fucking Begging You Not to Buy This 2023 Planner
As you run your fingers over my spine, you think: “This is it. This is the year I get my shit together.”
Yelp Reviews of My Near-Death Experiences
I'll cut to the chase. The tunnel was too long and the light at the end was not bright enough.
We’d Love to Offer You This Job, but I’m Afraid You Don’t Already Have This Job
Don’t get me wrong—on paper, you had pretty much everything we were looking for. But your experience was not at our company, in this exact position.
Sure, the Metaverse Is the Future, but Have You Heard About the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company?
You’re here to risk it all on totally digital experiences without a shred of realistic worth, and I’m talking about shrimp.
Now Here’s MSNBC’s Steve Kornacki with Our Basic Math
It’s still early, but if the projections hold—and they should—Jimmy now sits comfortably at seven apples. Not a huge margin, but a significant one.
My Child Finally Stole from Me My Last Vestige of Coolness, My Spotify Wrapped
What’s the point of listening to obscure music if no one knows your doing it?
I’m Your Grandpa’s Old Box TV: Please Kill Me
I’ve seen the moon landing and twerking. It’s too much!
Personality 2.0 Update Now Available
We've also installed security protocols to prevent you from divulging sensitive personal issues at work parties.
Please Stop Acting Weird About the Dunk Tank
Do not, under any circumstances, throw a bowling ball at Mrs. Heathridge.
Terrible Game Shows That, for the Love of God, Should Never Be Created
Awful shows like "Who Wants to SEE a Millionaire?" and "DATE… MY… PODIATRIST!"
Op-Ed: Should Op-Ed Writers Be Allowed to Commit Crimes?
Do opinion writers share the same responsibility to obey the law as the rest of the world?