A Letter from Your Hangover
I want you to feel me in every inch of your body until you lose all sense of logic, and the usual minutiae of lazy Sundays goes out the window.
I want you to feel me in every inch of your body until you lose all sense of logic, and the usual minutiae of lazy Sundays goes out the window.
I have been asked how the woman ended up dead in a motel room under my name, Tony the Magnificent. But if I were to divulge this secret it would destroy the illusion.
Men out there, I ask you: Would you rather marry Miss California or win 18 Olympic Gold Medals in swimming? We know these truths to be self-evident.
Dave rates his self-confidence as a 4/10. Janine tells Dave how ugly his new soul patch is, and his rating falls to a 2. By what percentage has Dave's self-confidence dropped?
Prince Percy: "General Haggis, lovely rousing words, but I was wondering if I might also have a word with our men before the glorious fight..."
Of course we'll have flying cars in the future. But there's more to driving than cars; there's going to be a whole new driving etiquette based on personal responsibility.
My intention for writing this was never to shame Officer McClane. In fact, I've learned to forgive the "cowboy cop" altogether. But there is a lesson to be learned from this.
Listen Admiral Ackbar, we all agree you're doing a super job as admiral, but we'd appreciate it if you could stop yelling "It's a trap!" for the rest of the hunting trip.
I twist nicknames into erotica. I randomly default to German. I'm a quirky invisible playmate. I graduated college with a major AND a minor. I rule your iPhone.
Dear Crimson Caricatures, long-time fan and former face owner. That's right, your first song's guitar solo melted my face clean off my skull.
This article is a call for unity: My girlfriend and I are not the only same-sex couple. There are other people who have sex with each other at the same time too.
There's no real easy way to go about this so I'll just come out and say it: I've switched bodies with my 9-year-old son and I don't know what to do about it.