Hey Bullies: Stay Off Our Beaches
How many times have you seen this: some jerk starts trying to drink all the ocean water because they don’t want the fish to have it.
Tag: Satire
If Bachelorette Contestants Were Burger King Menu Items
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
Greetings! ‘Tis I, The Last Man on ChatRoulette
This was a lively place teeming with men who after a day of explaining Bitcoin to George Lucas on Twitter, knew that they would find love on a webcam.
The Streaming Services Order Brunch
Netflix: I’ve changed my order. I want what Hulu’s having, and I want it delivered first.
An Interview with the Two Largest Books on Your Shelf
Q: Who’s more likely to be used in the event that a fire is desperately needed? Harry Potter: Definitely Jest. Infinite Jest: Me.
Quiz: Are You a Client Whisperer?
Your client wants to suck the bone marrow out of your firstborn. What do you do? A. Respectfully ask that he reconsiders.
Well, I Just Got to Hell and the Bagels Freaking Suck
You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.
Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
Things We Learn About Han Solo in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
If You Ever Think “I Wish I Was Dead,” Let Me Assure You: It’s More Correct to Use “Were”
I know that sometimes it seems like the world is unfair. But that’s why we invented language. These rules give structure to a chaotic world.
My Ex-Wife Married The Prince of England
Ok, ciao, diary. I bet Prince-Whatever-The-Fuck-His-Name, with his funny little Prince accent doesn't even know about “ciao.” That’s Hollywood, baby.
The Many Alarm Clocks Unemployed People Wake Up To
10:00 A.M: A phone call! Could it be an inteview? No, just those Mormon missionaries you gave your number to during that “Who am I” phase in college.