Thank You for Your Support, from President of the Galaxy Elon Musk
If infractions occur, whisper “[your name] identifies [target’s name]” within one meter of any Tesla automobile, and it’ll get straightened out.
Tag: Satire
Struggling with Summer Depression? Camp Longface Welcomes You!
Sure, the freezing lake water feels like a thousand needles in your body. But sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that you can feel anything at all.
The Ballad of the Inept Geneticist
I am the Inept Geneticist So send to me your best spitting And for you I’ll manufacture A heritage more befitting
No More Snacks During Weekly Snacks Sales Review Meetings
We are thankful for your hard work and creativity. Your work is as yummy, crunchy, and delicious---just like our chips!
Introducing the Brand New White Privilege Tracker App
Earn points when you accidentally blow through a stop sign and understand that people of color could not laugh with the police officer about it.
How Not to Be a Shitty Witch in New York City
Know which spell you’re going to cast on the deli counter guy before you get to the front of the line. It’s unreal that some of you still do this.
My Statement on Sacha Baron Cohen Tricking Me Into Letting the Trojan Horse Into Troy
In character as “Yusef Frankfurter,” he told me that he wanted his next project to be about a very handsome and courageous mayor.
The Case for Watching “Three Men and a Baby” and “Baby’s Day Out” Back to Back
Baby vs. Single Men is the quintessential conflict of the time period, driving at the heart of America’s anxieties around wealth, gender, and cocaine.
A White House Statement on Iran for America’s Bros
The big boy used his new moon to rock nuky cappos, support beezies, and pushed a hard line throughout the Middle E-Town and beyond.
Movie-Line Outtakes
"Favorite sled." -- Charles Foster Kane, Citizen Kane
I Think My Teenage Son is Trying to Make His Own Katamari Ball
I purchased several bottles of Gorilla glue. Far more than would be needed in the house and/or for any "school project." In a week we were out again.
I Was Cool With the Rat Living in My Apartment Until I Found Out He Was Running a Pyramid Scheme From Under My Stove
“I see what you were doing. Building up my trust so that one day, you could get me involved in your little scheme too,” I said, holding back tears.