The Thunder in Paradise: Poems Created From Interviews With Hulk Hogan, Part 4
They had to drill a f**king hole in my face!
Tag: Satire
NRA Talking Points For Kids
First, you come for my toy guns. What’s next? Marshmallow shooters, finger guns, fingers themselves?! After you already got my nose? Never again!
Quarterly Review
I thought this was a quarter but it’s actually a POG. I traded it to my friend Dennis for a real quarter.
Queer Blockbuster Movies Coming Out in 2019
"Drag Queen Zombies Attack!" Things are jockstraps and Jonas Brothers until suddenly, Mary Fairy and Anita Dick attack and try to eat their brains.
New Protests Groups Like Antifa You Can Join
Antipopop: This organization protests the use of the nickname "Poppi" for "grandfather," as well as the variants "Pop Pop," "Bop Bop," and "Boppie."
Introducing Rise™, the New Season by Starbucks
From our flagship hot beverage, Fiery Wrath Cappuccino™, to our new hellfire-baked goods, there’s something for everyone and everything and everytime!
I, Skeletor, Lord of Evil, Have a Message for the Republican Electorate
No matter what I do, you keep supporting me. When I say, “I help no one but myself!”, you cheer! Why!? That means I won’t help you!
How to Survive Summer 2018
If you’re tempted to see parallels between "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" and your country, limit it to the fact that Chris Pratt exists in both.
Dear Lady With the Bad Attitude in My 6AM Aerial Class: I Love You
You head straight to your corner, even though reserving spots isn't allowed, we all know it’s yours since you’re a woman of habit. And we fear you.
When Dog God Spoke to Moses, A Neighborhood Pug
If I get cream cheese on my nose, don’t dare lick it off, for The Lord Your Dog is a jealous Dog when cream cheese is nigh, and whipped cream too.
Don’t Expect Many Characters to Survive “Mamma Mia! 2: Infinity Wedding”
Sophie was able to hold one of the Infinity Rings--wedding rings forged from the six singularities present before the creation of the universe.
Minutes from a Board Meeting at the Keychain Factory
Board member Nelson suggested using melted metal from other vats to fill in the cracks of cracked vats. McQueen responded “That’s not how that works."