I Invented So Many Things That You Take for Granted
Or you know when you have a bottle of champagne and you need to release the cork and you loosen it with your thumb? I invented that.
Tag: Satire
I’m From New Jersey and Yes, Bruce Springsteen is My Biological Father
My parents knew they had early mornings in the factory, just working towards the American dream, but there was something special about that night.
I Bought One Floral Dress and Now I’m Deep in the Clutches of a Pagan Cult
Our relationship was mutually beneficial: I gave him a son—Yngvar—and he told me my dress wasn’t “too Coachella.”
I Am the Middle-Aged Jumper at the Trampoline Park Who’s Definitely Not Too Old for This
Oh-kaay. This hurts a little. The spring-bound polypropylene surface feels more solid upon impact than I expected.
Yuppie Wedding Announcement Written by a Bitter Maid-of-Honor
The couple described the aesthetic of the reception venue as farmhouse chic. Notably, the bridesmaids were dressed as mason jars.
Don’t Come to America Until You’ve Already Achieved the American Dream
I hear what you’re saying: this really clashes with the overall narrative we’ve built up in the past century.
The Late Capitalist Horror of Mary Shelley’s Franken-Frappuccino
It agitated its shimmery surface, and with a convulsive motion, sprang to life. “BEHOLD, I AM THE TYE-DIE FRAPPUCCINO,” it roared.
Can You Be Our Nanny?
Caring for children is one of life’s most rewarding jobs. Our nanny will need a sens…
Ken Cuccinelli Rejects “The New Colossus”
“And her name, Mother of Exiles” --- Where did you get this name from? The current working title of the statue is “Water Hello Person.”
Welcome to Other You: Box Subscriptions From the Multiverse
From your Lifestyle Influencer Universe: Eyelash extensions so huge and long they make it impossible to open your eyes. You’ll feel like Bambi!
Exercise Tips from Literature and Mythology
“But what on earth are you doing?” cried the vexed Rapunzel. “Why, developing and toning my bipeds and quadrilaterals, of course.”
Woodstock Village: Relive the Boomer Fantasy
From the brown acid flashback ride to the roller coaster mudslide, there's something to please “kids” of all ages from 65 to 80.