How to Take LSD or a Laxative
Take the day off of work! The experience can take between nine and twelve hours.
Tag: Satire
Only You Can End This Interminable NPR Pledge Drive
It's pledge drive season here at NPR, and we're going to air some of the worst radio you’ve ever imagined until you pay us to stop.
I’ve Been Meditating Consistently for Two Weeks and I Still Haven’t Achieved Enlightenment Yet
I’m not sure what the deal is but I wanted to lodge a formal complaint. Do you have an email?
How to Personalize Instagram Ads to Literally Just Me, Specifically
Maybe you’re a tea that’s going to help me self-actualize after one harrowing night on the toilet. You’re gonna want to use the word “tummy.”
Which Sibling Has to Do the Eulogy?
The oldest child doesn’t have to do it, that’s a myth. Of course you believe that, you thought chlamydia came from kissing in the dark until you were 14.
I’m the Screaming Baby on an Airplane—It’s a Tough Crowd Here
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?
I Am the Production Accountant on This Viking TV Documentary and You’re Using Too Much Blood
While I appreciate your dedication to authenticity, it’s making our battlefields look like the aftermath of Carrie’s prom.
Let’s Get Real: There Are Only Five Fruits
This is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, but when an orange is small, it’s still an orange. I’m talking to you, clementines and mandarins.
The Girl Boss Guide to Pitching Kind of a Dumb Idea, When You Have a Minute, Not a Big Deal
It’s not a big deal, even though it kind of is. No problem if not.
I Am Your New Passive Aggressive Fitbit and I’m Stoked to Give You Anxiety about Your Resting Heart Rate
What’s going on in that head of yours that’s got you so worked up while we’re just sitting here hate-scrolling through your ex’s Facebook?
I’m Your Judgmental Hair Stylist: Ready for Your First Post-Vax Haircut?
What have you been up to during Covid, other than neglecting your split ends, obviously? Did you box dye your hair? I thought so.
Before Your Band Starts Playing, We Need to Go over Some Elaborate Demands
First, it’s going to be a little bit longer than we anticipated, only about ten hours or so, but that includes some breaks!