I admit, I'd never met a non-Who before, and at the time I was a little nervous to have him in my inn. I locked the door to my room that night.
When other people say, "Could you point me towards the restroom? Please hurry, I really have to go," we say, “Merry Christmas."
"It’s A Wonderful Life": George and Mary’s kids, Pete, Janie, Tommy, and Zuzu, all die because George and Mary refused to have them vaccinated.
BARBER: It is customary to tip your barber $15 for each person who complimented your haircut and then immediately had sex with you.
3 - 5 Years: File a police report against the person who stole your gift. (Two reports allowed per game.)
Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger Are Still Fighting About the National Anthem Kneelings and It’s Ruining My Mornings
“You see what you did?” Cap’n Crunch said, frowning at Tony, “You just had to roar. Whatever happened to civility in this country?”
Once again it is that time of year when the hosts of Solvil go absolutely crazy. Everyone has that time of year where they just lose control!
Hal's Review: "About 13,000 people died there in the early 1900s, but you could hardly tell!"
With all due respect, let me tell you what an actual emergency is: when Rose’s necklace went missing and they blamed poor Jack for stealing it.
I thought that I was the king of murders that helped me achieve a sense of fulfillment, but it turns out I’m actually the king of awkward.
Since #MeToo, most men have ceased screaming sexually explicit compliments from the open windows of their turbo-charged street shuttles.
And before you ask, you disgusting skid mark, yes, we’re sifting our dry ingredients before combining. We weren’t raised by fucking mole people.