Metro City Gazette: We Cannot Endorse Mike Haggar
We are ashamed to be counted among a population that would laud a man for performing a piledriver on a disabled person. Please step down, Mr. Mayor.
Tag: Police
How to Interpret Requests for Lawyer Animals
“Give me a lawyer penguin.” This suspect would like to be represented by Danny Devito’s Penguin from the classic Batman Returns.
Inspector Dirty Harry Callahan Leads Your Girl Scout Troop’s Cookie Sale
Sell and then shake 'em down for dirt on their dealer. There's only room for one dirty cop and one dirty Girl Scout troop in this neighborhood.
I Heard Robert Mueller is a Draft-Dodging Sexual Predator
This Mueller character, looking into "collusion," he's the worst of the bunch. Many sources have told me he's a draft dodger and sexual predator.
The 6 Coziest Federal Offenses to Commit From the Warmth of Your Home This Winter
Finally, a list of felonies to perpetrate from your breakfast nook while wearing your snuggliest onesie. Let it snow, let it snow!
7 Bold Tips for Getting Over Your Post-Holiday Blues at All Costs
Exercising, befriending co-workers, and taking hostages are great ways to cheer yourself up in an otherwise dismal new year!
Help! My Dukes of Hazzard Lunchbox Has Me on the Wrong Side of History
It had the car... with the flag! Yes, THAT flag! What could my mother have been thinking when she gave in to my demands for it?
How Silent Films Taught Me to Be a Better Lover
My girlfriend Mary Lou always told me to stop twirling my mustache and tying her to train tracks, but I never really took it seriously, you know?
WANTED: Small-Town Vigilante for Part-Time Freelance Opportunity
Are you the reckless, arrogant threat to public safety we're looking for? If so, the Sheriff's Office of Addison County, Vermont wants to hear from you!
10 Life Lessons I Learned from Paul Verhoeven Movies
Thanks to Showgirls, young women learned that contrary to outdated societal prejudice, exotic dancing can be a highly rewarding career path, especially in an ailing economy.
The Week I Decided to Get Tough on the (Mostly Ecological) Crimes Being Committed in My 4th Floor Loft
The Occupant begins his own thorough cleaning of his apartment. Girlfriend refuses to help, instead deciding to go to the Farmer’s Market and then to a yoga class.
Guy Fieri’s Forensic Files
Hi, everybody. I’m Guy Fieri, and we’re rollin’ out, lookin’ for America’s greatest solved murders.