Unlike My Medical License, My Friendships with My Patients Are Real
My patients are my best friends. Where would I be if they hadn't let me crash on their couches after the mob found out I'm sleeping at my office?
Tag: Legal
If You Do This While Driving a Convertible, Things Will Definitely End Badly
Despite being on a winding mountain road, and wearing noise-cancelling headphones, rise over the wheel, lift your legs, and perform a handstand.
Conditions Under Which President Trump Will Agree to an Interview with the Special Counsel
The President shall enjoy full immunity while patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time.
A Few Thoughts About That Video You Recorded After My Root Canal
I will be sure to keep you updated on all the social metrics. I still care about you, and the kids (our kids), and our social media numbers.
A Letter to Willy Wonka from Mrs. Bucket
My son only talks about candy lately, as though there is nothing more to running a business than coming up with colorful and dangerous food for kids.
The Ballad of the Inept Geneticist
I am the Inept Geneticist So send to me your best spitting And for you I’ll manufacture A heritage more befitting
My Statement on Sacha Baron Cohen Tricking Me Into Letting the Trojan Horse Into Troy
In character as “Yusef Frankfurter,” he told me that he wanted his next project to be about a very handsome and courageous mayor.
Announcing Our Official Decision Regarding Whether or Not to Have Children
Relatedly, I’m currently embroiled in a legal battle to divorce myself from my siblings to guarantee that I cannot be made an uncle against my will.
Why It’s Actually a Good Thing That the Contractors You Paid to Renovate Your House Just Put a Bunch of Wolf Figurines All Over the Place and Told You They Were Done
You Now Get to Affectionately Refer to Your Home as “The Wolf’s Den.” Suddenly, the way the renovation turned out doesn’t seem so bad.
Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
Assembly Instructions for a Bullshit Thing You Didn’t Need Anyway
Do not assemble in a wet location. Do not assemble at altitudes lower than two thousand (2000) miles below sea level. Do not assemble in a sea.
5 Surefire Ways to Get Elton John to Come to Your Open-Casket Funeral
Write “Elton” on your left hand and “John” on your right hand, zoom in, and make it look like Elton John himself is removing your space helmet.