Selected Reviews from the 9 Worst Yelp-Reviewed Sperm Banks
My tuxedo-clad sperm steward Rene greeted me in French and explained, “All of our top grade sperme de France is aged to perfection."
Tag: Horror
5 Helpful Tips for Living in a Banana Republic
Many Americans are nervous that Donald Trump is violating long-held democratic norms. Here's how to navigate the ins and outs of your new, failed state.
This is It, I’m Actually Going into My Crawl Space
My kids look at me and feel empathy for my plight but relief that the task is not theirs. I'm going all the way into the residential abyss.
I’ll Never Forget You or Your Wild Accusations, But I’m Still Moving Out
What juvenile fun we had competing for the same man's attention while he was my boyfriend. A game of cat and mouse indeed, as you called it.
The Dark Side of Christian Mingle
Saundra was a hot mess of whirlwind crazy. If this was God's match for me, I shuddered to think who Satan would have picked out.
Welcome to the MFAGZ Federation®, Formerly the USA
If you have not done so already, please upload all personal information onto the Privacy Pads® you will have received en route.
Exclusive Tell-All Interview with 2016
We sat down with 2016 for a frank, one-on-one discussion on everything from Harambe to Trump to gay rights.
I Am a Giant Asteroid Heading Towards Earth After the Horror Show That Was 2016: Ask Me Anything!
Soon I'll be eliminating all life on Earth, and there's nothing I can do to change course unfortunately. Any questions?
7 Regrets I Have After Creating a Flesh-and-Blood Dilbert
In my haste to create a flesh-and-blood Dilbert, I took a few shortcuts which, in retrospect, were pretty big mistakes.
Donald Trump Rates Horror Movie Villains As He Would Rate Women
The Donald unleashes his uncompromising peculiarity upon your favorite childhood horror film villains.
Welcome to Tonight’s Mayan Human Sacrifice!
A terrified young virgin will be forcibly restrained while her heart is ripped, still beating, out of her chest, while she endures an unimaginably gruesome demise!
6 Horror Movies for First World Problems
Jessica was just a normal, everyday HR Rep with everything going for her: a nice place, a great boyfriend, and a good job. That is, until she woke up ALONE.