My Declaration of Independence From This Conversation
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all conversations are not created equal; that some are boring as hell and a complete waste of time.
Tag: History
This Year’s Best Picture Nominees Ranked by How Much My Son Resents My New Girlfriend
When my girlfriend tried to talk with my son, he kept referring to her as “replacement mommy” while jumping up and down pretending to be Peter Rabbit.
I Invented a Time Machine and, No, I Can’t Kill Hitler
It’s made to sound like I would rather keep my time machine than kill Hitler, but it’s not a question of choosing between the two.
What to Do When Your Second-Grader Brings Home Bad Artwork
Now that you’ve sufficiently tortured your sweet angel for the past hour, make him watch as you make your own macaroni artwork.
You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars
A live sex show performer, Thack Pour typically festooned his lithe body with corsets and cummerbunds of various sizes and quality.
Victorian Courtship Etiquette That I, A Millennial Male, Am In Favor of Rekindling
Going for a Chaperoned Walk: Change this to a Chaperoned Bike Ride. I build fixed-gear bikes for disadvantaged seeing-eye dogs in my spare time.
Lin Manuel Miranda Said He’d Kill My Family If I Didn’t Inspire You This Morning
“Love is love is love Fun is fun is fun Wake up, stretch like a cat” Oh god. He’s taking out a knife.
A People’s History of My Failed Marriage
Power concedes nothing without demand, Janet. No longer will you say that I drank seven guitargaritas at the Tampa Hard Rock Hotel & then wet myself.
5 Reasons Why the Donner Party was Better Than Your Birthday Party
The Donner Party was a journey unlike any other in history. The best part is, they did the whole thing without fake crying or vlogging once.
Love in the Time of Cutlery
“Hey gorgeous,” knife said to fork. That trim bastard put the cut in cutlery. “Weird night,” said knife. “I buttered some bread, and that was it."
Writers With Benefits
Section 3: Foreplay: All types of textual foreplay is permitted, such as feeling really guilty when asking for feedback on their TV pilot.
Highlights From Squanto’s Plymouth Colony Twitter Feed
“What’s the deal with @Massasoit contradicting himself everytime he mentions me in a tweet or talks to the press?”