A Letter Regarding My Service at the Happy Valley Restaurant cum Carvery
Dear Sirs, it is only on hindsight that I am truly able to appreciate my server Nigel's innovative style, which others felt made him a 'cheeky bastard.'
Tag: Food
Marcus vs. the KFC Double Down
Colonel Sanders learns the hard way that you never play chicken with a sandwich unless you're willing to eat it in the end.
The Ten Fattest States in the Union (And the Foods That Got Them There)
<p><img src="/files/u2/junk-food-platter.jpg" alt="Junk food platter" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="200" height="257" align="right" />Back when I first started writing for this site there were no iPhones, New Orleans had never been destroyed, and PIC Fearless Leader Court Sullivan had the same haircut he has today.
Dunkin’ Donuts’ Coffee Burned My Soul
I am suing the crap out of Dunkin' Donuts. I don't really have a choice. Their coffee burned my soul and they are going to pay dearly for it.
Gratuitous Mention: Tipping is Dead
If a waitress has a problem with her salary, she should take it up with her boss. Why should I compensate her for having a shitty job?
No, I Will Not Eat at Applebee’s, Thank You
To me, Applebee’s represents the muddling down of all cultures, to create meals that cater to everyone, and in doing so satisfy no one.
Cooking Up a Storm
There's more to cooking than learning which pieces of plastic wrap to remove before microwaving. Here's a healthy serving of culinary tips.
Junk Food, Junk Science
If you're prone to fall for fast food ads, better hope you love to exercise. Otherwise, even the sedentary can barely avoid getting fat.
Insert Restaurant Name Here
As your family's restaurant server, I'll be: waiting for you to order, waiting for you to leave, and waiting for your daughter to turn legal.
Paris Hilton Sex Tape Interrupted By Fred the Pizza Guy
People across America are ordering pizza using the alias 'Paris Hilton.' But only one man delivered to the real Paris: 'It's fucking Fred.'
Mission Impossible: A Gallon of Milk in an Hour
Despite your best attempts, you will never accomplish this feat. Trust us, you WILL vomit the milk. Here's how and why.
The Applebee’s Menu Items are My Only Friends
With entrees like those sweet, tender Honey BBQ Baby Backs and an endless supply of mouthwatering sides, there's no need for human relationships.