If Trump Won’t Protect Trans Kids, My Ninja Weapons and I Will
When the lives of countless transgender children are at stake, I've no choice but to raise aloft my twin sai and declare, "Fearmongers, beware!"
Tag: Bathrooms
The Adventure of Mom and Toddler to the Airport Gate
My two-year-old then "dove" towards the airport floor, arms straight behind her as Moana's are when she swims down for the heart of Te Fiti.
NYC Color-Coded Air Pollution Alert System
The new NYC system utilizes colors corresponding to varying degrees of air pollution emergencies, each color representing the air smell of the day.
Pissing on the Toilet Seat is a Sign of My Dominance
Other men see my pee on that white plastic horseshoe and know I'm in charge. That I'm an Alpha, and they are the weaker members of my species.
10 Time-Saving Beauty Tips From a New Mom
Get ready to flip that Jean Nate-age, time-consuming beauty philosophy into a beauty routine that fits into the 30 seconds you have to pee.
How to Troubleshoot a Sump Pump, Sponsored by Marque de Mode Luxury Handbags
Flooded basement? Fashion purveyors Marque de Mode have you covered with some simple tips to get your basement dryer than a martini at Café Montague.
The Top 4 Crown Fried Chickens in Philly to Puke In
So you're way too drunk in Philly, huh? That second 40-ounce is coming back up as a sacrifice to the porcelain gods? Head to one of these Crown Fried Chickens.
How Kleenex Developed Its Most Extreme Tissue: Chipotle Explosion
Your regular tissue box might wet your grandma's panties, but that cardboard facade couldn't begin to contain the Chipotle Explosion, our most intense tissue ever.
To Be President of Amtrak, I Must Start as the Restroom Cleaner
At corporate events I will talk about my roots: "50 years ago, I was hired by this fine company to clean the restrooms on the Merced to Oakland route..." and so on.
6 Things Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You to Shove Up Yourself
The most baffling products from Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop website, where you'll find an array of items that would make even the snobbiest of people cream their pants.
The Genderqueer’s Guide to Choosing a Public Restroom
Before you even leave the house, you’ll have to decide which restroom is the bestroom for YOU. These five steps will help you make it all the way to that satisfying crap.
A Shit So Big You Need to Call Your Mom
We’ve all been there, sitting on the toilet, ass bleeding, thinking, “Why me? What the hell did I do/eat to deserve this?”