Introducing the Apple Car
That hood and the entire car frame is made out of Gorilla Glass, the material you smudge every day and crack every other week on your iPhone screen.
Tag: Corporate
Slack Thread About Betsy Ross’ New Flag Design
>Were all of the stakeholders of our young nation truly involved in the process for developing this? >What if the stars were blue on a white background? >>>>Stars aren’t blue. C’mon, be real! >>>>They should be silver, then.
Diversity Hire Interview Questions
When did you know you were diversity? What do you know about the lack of equal opportunity at our company?
The Most Heartwarming Stories of Late Capitalism This Week
When a teen in New Mexico had trouble concentrating in class due to hunger, her teachers managed to buy her six months’ worth of Adderall! Wow!
Because We Care: Our New Corporate Wellness Program for Disgusting Pigs Like You
We care about your wellbeing because we don’t need your fat ass jacking up our healthcare costs.
FAQ: How Our Company Will Change Under the Leadership of the Mysterious, Cloaked Men
Q; What happened to Leonard? A: Leonard was catapulted through a vibrating and glowing door frame into a space between dimensions.
You Are What Your Nike Sneakers Say You Are
Air Max 180: You say stuff like, "The only way to be a marathon runner is to run a marathon." You've never run a marathon.
Amazon Delivery Options Based on Number of Likes on Jeff Bezos’ Cat’s Instagram Posts
501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.
Failed Restaurant Chains of Famous Artists
Turning your art into a culinary brand doesn't always pan out. Just ask any soft serve operator at the now-defunct Dali Queen.
Elizabeth Holmes Proves Women Are Just as Good at Committing Fraud as the Guys
Who faced more adversity than when Elizabeth was defrauding people based on an invention that was scientifically impossible? No one, that’s who.
My Response to Your Big Work News: A Guide
I “loved” your announcement on Facebook, and left a comment about how excited I am for you. > I find your friendship exhausting.
The Syllabus to Paul Ryan’s Notre Dame Political Science Class
There's no curve in this class. Curves are “the hammock that lulls able-bodied students into dependence and complacency, draining their will.”