Press 10 to talk to a Customer Service Representative. This is never going to happen, of course, but we all have dreams.
The Naughty Muffin - Risqué humor focused on baked goods. Sample posts: "Oh my, you ARE all buttery today, aren’t you?"
Give them a single tantalizing tidbit such as, “Bernice had many secrets, one of which involved a prominent member of Congress from Wisconsin."