Rugby Player: So, you've drank with a few rugby teams, eh?
Me: Yeah.
Rugby Player: Why's that?
Me: ‘Cause it's fun.
Rugby Player: Cheers to that.
Liz: I just can't believe that any man would get a blowjob in public.
Me: Why not?
Liz: Because it's in public.
Me: But it's a blowjob.
Nick: But wasn't Temple of the Dog before Soundgarden?
Me and some random Vortex bar back (at the same time): No!
Nick: I mean, I'm a writer. I'm not often happy.
Me: Oh man, you gotta be happy.
Nick: Why?
Me: You see, Nick, women really just want to be ridiculously happy and they view happiness as something external and obtainable. If you're ridiculously happy, they will want to be with you. They're essentially happiness thieves.
Webb: That's some deep shit right there.
Me: That'll be five dollars.
Me: Did you hear Atlanta's getting the final four?
Court: What's that?
Me: This is a joke, right? Basketball?
Court: The NBA?
Me: You're fucking with me, right? The NCAA? College? March Madness?
Court: Oh. Who's playing?
Me: They haven't started the tournament yet, jackass.
Court: Wow, that's great.
Me: Are you even listening to me? Because I'm right in front of you and I feel so far away.
Court: You'll get through it, Nate. You're a strong willed person.
Court: So do you watch movies?
Me: Sure, everyone watches movies.
Liz: Yeah, but do you like, go to movies?
Me: I've been to movies.
Liz: In the last twelve months, have you gone to see any movies?
Me: Three or four times.
Court: Do you rent movies?
Me: Not really.
Liz: So you don't really watch movies?
Me: Have I done something wrong?
Me: Thanks for the viewing, Sully. That was good.
Court: And now you can say that you've watched a movie.
Me: Asshole.
Me: It is fucking freezing.
Nick: You bitch about the weather too much, pussy.
Me: Fuck you, Hayseed.
Nick: It's been good meeting you, DeGraaf.
Me: You too, Gaudio.
Me: This is a pretty good city for young, urban professionals. The cost of living is relatively cheap and the median income is pretty high. This would be a good place to be a criminal.
Webb: Umm, I don't think I would make that connection, but uhh? if you say so.
Parking Lot Attendant: Wow, you look like you're coming from someplace cold.
Me: Atlanta.
Parking Lot Attendant: Well, that ain't too bad.
Me: It was low thirties at night.
Parking Lot Attendant: Wow. I'm sorry. Well, welcome back.
Labels: snippets