Exercising Restraint
 >>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
May 12, 2004

 

Dear Nicole,

My long-term boyfriend has written a very formal sounding letter that is almost like a legal contract that he keeps insisting that I sign. This document says amongst other things that “I agree to be committed to him forever.” We are not engaged and I find this document highly offensive. I feel that if he was just feeling insecure, he would be more likely to write a informal, loving type letter, not an almost legal sounding “contract.” My dad has advised me not to sign as he says it could be used against me if the relationship ever went sour.

In addition, I feel that my boyfriend doesn't really love me. He is distant, won't kiss me, treats me like a buddy if we ever go out, and expects me to pay for everything (he refuses to get a job). In the past, he has also been critical, and possessive. My boyfriend won't let up, and keeps insisting that I sign. He has now threatened to not come over and see me (we live apart) until I agree to sign. Am I overreacting by refusing to sign this? Thanks.

-Heather
 

Dear Heather,

I predict that three years from now, his neighbor will be quoted in your local newspaper: “He seemed like such a nice boy. He really didn’t seem like the dismembering type.” Even though I understand that possessive, emotionally-distant, unemployed men are hard to resist, here’s a little legal advice: The only thing you should sign is a restraining order.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 

Dear Nicole,

Why are you so damn funny? Where does your constant wit come from? HOW CAN I BE LIKE THAT!?

~Nicki
 

Dear Nicki,

Thanks, that's so sweet! To answer your question, my propensity for humor stems from being an ugly, fat bitch.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 

Dear Nicole,

Why are you such an ugly fat bitch?

-Tim Chen
 

Dear Tim,

See above question.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

Dear Nicole,

If you castrate a pig, does it become disgruntled?

-Joe Mamma
 

Dear Joe,

Why don't you ask Court about this one. He's had a lot more experience in this area than I have.

Sincerely,
Nicole
 

 

Dear Nicole,

I keep trying to stalk this guy, but he keeps changing his e-mail, and when I finally figure out his new schedule at school again, he changes it. What should I do?

~Lacey
 

Dear Lacey,

Remember: The only difference between a successful stalker and an unsuccessful stalker is commitment. (A quality telephoto lens doesn't hurt either.)

Sincerely,
Nicole
 

What are your First Impressions?

When you meet someone for the first time, what are you attracted to? What totally turns you off? I want to know what makes the difference for you when it comes to first impressions. Hair color? A great smile? What he or she's wearing? Also, I want to know what turns you off: Pick-up lines? Ego oozing out of every orifice? A .22? Be specific and original. Girls, don't give me “nice car.” Guys, don't give me “big boobs”…I'm happy with the ones I've got. I'll post your thoughts and opinions next week! 

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