>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
October 6, 2004
I‘m trying to get a piece from my neighbor who's two years older than me. I hang out with her but it's not a date, I mean I'm 12 so how can I get her to break off a piece?
WTF?? Are you talking about a human being, or a Kit Kat? This is what happens when dimwit speed-breeders have litters of children they can't take care of: We get a generation of sexual predators who aren't old enough to order off the grown-up menu at Denny's. Not that the Denny's menu is anything to write home about, but they do have excellent milkshakes, and the seasoned fries are pretty good. In summary, perverts eat at Denny's.
Do you think its possible to travel faster than the speed of light? Why?
No, Einstein's theory of relativity E=mc2 rules this out. Mass and energy are equivalent; therefore, the larger the mass, the more energy it takes to speed it up. Shortly before it reaches the speed of light the mass becomes infinite, which means that the energy must be infinite too. However, it has been postulated that we could “cheat” relativity by somehow warping the area of the universe around an object. Theoretically, a spacecraft could then travel distances as though it were going faster than the speed of light. I recently set out to demonstrate this possibility using a fastidiously selected assortment of synthetic chemicals and impermeable solids, but then I remembered my aunt was coming up for the weekend so I decided to clean the shower instead.
My ex-girlfriend and I are attending the same college. Back in high school we were the only friends each other had, and I was cool with that, because I loved her. She was cool with it too, at the time. Now we're in college and we're still friends but now that she had made new friends she doesn't care if she hangs out with me or even talks to me for that matter, and that's cool because I'm just glad she's happy now and she finally has friends. But whenever I go hang out with anyone or talk to any girls even as friends, she gets pissed. I mean, I see her with guys and it pisses me off to, but I don't say anything to her about it and I would never tell her like she can't hang out with them, like she has been saying to me about hanging out with girls. I still love her to death and I always will but I don't know if it's just time to let go and move on, or if we can manage to stay friends and not fight all the time. Is it possible to stay friends with your ex when you still have feelings for them and under these circumstances?
No, you can't, because she's not interested in being friends. You're her old toy and she doesn't want to play with you anymore. However, she doesn't want anyone else to play with you, either. So she wants you to stay up on the top bookshelf where she can keep an eye on you when she's partying with other guys.
By the way, which of you two came up with the brilliant idea of attending the same college? Now you get to spend four years in a dank, stagnant pit I like to call Lost Love Limbo. There's lots of pokey rocks down there, you know. Don't expect me to pull you out, manual labor ruins my nails. You really shouldn't have climbed down there in the first place.
Hey booby-chew, as we near the anniversary of your first article on pointsincase.com, I can't help but think you want to celebrate with a complete stranger. How about you let me take you out for dinner sometime?
How did you know about my fetish for guys who call me “booby-chew”? My other favorite pet names are “chest-chomper,” “titty-toother,” “nipple-nibbler,” and “bosom-biter.”