On August 3rd, 2009, the Axe Hair Crisis Relief girls will be put on trial for crimes against the male gender. The women known for advertising Axe shampoo will be facing multiple charges, including first-degree assault, battery, animal cruelty, physical and sexual abuse, theft, and assault with a deadly weapon. At a hearing in early June, the girls pled not guilty to the charges.
"I think it's disgusting," said one man. "These girls think it's acceptable to attack and degrade men. They need to be dealt with through the harshest punishment."
After the hearing on June 7th, the girls released a public apology stating, "We are only doing what is right. Guys don't know how to style their hair, and we're here to help them. 94% of girls agree that greasy hair on a guy is a turn-off."
"94% of girls can suck my sack," replied one man.
One testimony against the girls reveals a time when the females stole a pig from a local farm and released it in a public mall. The pig was allegedly malnourished and starved to the point of insanity before being let loose to hunt a young man. According to eyewitnesses, the 180-pound pig jumped from atop the second level, down onto the unknowing male, causing hundreds of dollars in property damage.
"We don't need saving, what we're doing isn't even wrong. These bitches are the ones who fuck their hair up with 30 different shampoos.""I was just shopping for a get well card for my hospitalized grandmother," the man stated in a media interview, "when suddenly, I hear squealing above me. Before I could look I was being mauled by a pig. I was immediately surrounded by girls who proceeded to hold me down, douse me in water, and scrub my skull with shampoo while one bitch yelled into a megaphone about a recent poll. And then, as quickly as they appeared, they were gone."
The man suffered neck and head trauma from the vicious head-scrubbing, along with a fractured elbow from the attack.
"Fuck that," said one male. "You can't have pigs jumping on people; I'm not getting this swine flu shit."
At the hearing, the defendants' attorney, Margret Bapta, claimed that the girls were benefiting the men by washing their hair. "They consider themselves heroes doing a public service," she said.
"Why don't they service these nuts!" yelled one man. "We don't need saving, what we're doing isn't even wrong. These bitches are the ones who paint their faces with purple makeup and fuck their hair up with 30 different shampoos, conditioners, detanglers, dyes, hairsprays, hair-straighters and curling irons. Excuse me for trying to spike my bangs."
Bapta said that many of her clients suffer from extreme mysophobia, a fear of germs. Side effects of mysophobia include excessive washing of the hands, hair, and face. Many sufferers of mysophobia have trouble in public areas, specifically with people they deem to be dirty.
Another account of the girls' abuse is the case of Sean Halgo. Sean was at a Los Angeles dance club one night when, mid-song, his dancing was interrupted by one girl violently throwing him to the ground. "I was shocked," recalls Halgo. "I couldn't see anything in the dark, and when the lights came on, five girls were holding me down and scrubbing my head." Halgo admits to having dandruff, but says he handles it with Head and Shoulders. He claims to have suffered a herniated disk and concussion from the assault.
Halgo plans to testify against the girls in August, applying a personal suit of $30,000.
"These women need to be made an example of," said Henry Pilsam, the plaintiffs' lawyer. "They have no right to assault and humiliate my clients—or any male for that matter—in public. Undressing men, forcing chemicals into them, and then publicly displaying them is nothing short of barbaric."
"I saw one bitch jump from a balloon!" stated one eyewitness.
The defense attorneys are hard at work on an agreement for the action, hoping to settle out of court and drop the case.
"We are trying to keep this as civil as possible," stated Bapta.
"I'm gunna teabag that bitch's forehead," replied Pilsam.