PIC Fantasy Baseball League Mid-Season Update, AKA You Don't Care About This Post

Back in February, I called out America’s best and brightest to pit their skills against me in fantasy baseball. But they were all busy “trying to cure cancer” – whatever that is – so I opened it up to PIC’s staff and readers. With the All-Star break in baseball’s rearview mirror, the season’s halfway point has been eclipsed. As such, I figured now would be a good time to throw a bone to the masses and give them the fantasy baseball update they haven't been clamoring for.

Notable owners in bold.

Standings

W

L

T

GB

1. Movin Through Kazmir (Dan Opp)

81

44

15

2. Ben Feder = Bed Wetter

81

52

7

4

3. Three If Baerga

73

55

12

9.5

3. SNK Crushers (Chad Chamley)

73

55

12

9.5

5. Slumposauruses (Ethan Trex from CH)

72

57

11

11

6. Cheeky Bastard

70

63

7

15

7. Bukkake Bandits

67

61

12

15.5

8. Blaze of Glory

64

66

10

19.5

9. Oquendo’s Motley Crew

62

69

9

22

10. The Braves Suck Cox

56

69

15

25

11. Myers Spousal Abuse

56

73

11

27

12. Suck My Baseballs

55

73

12

27.5

13. The Sex Offenders (Justin Rebello)

54

75

11

29

14. The Picassos of Choke

38

90

12

44.5


Oh man, where to begin….

How about I start with the fact that I’m currently dropping my giant nuts on Rebello’s forehead? Sound good to you? Okay.

I’m currently dropping my giant nuts on Rebello’s forehead.

Justin is to fantasy baseball what MadTV is to sketch comedy. If fantasy baseball were the Wonderlic test, Justin would score lower than Vince Young. More succinctly, Justin’s team is the Kansas City Royals of fantasy baseball. In fact, he even has a Royal (Reggie Sanders) on his team. To put this in perspective, the Royals’ lone representative at the All-Star Game this year was Mark Redman, and no one in the fantasy league has him.

Another note on Rebello: I didn’t realize that sex offenders had to announce their presence to online communities. You really do learn something new every day.

Chad has positioned his team well for the playoffs (top 6 get in), and that’s what it all boils down to. I’ve had teams squeak into the postseason and get hot in the playoffs (see the 2005 Chicago White Sox) and I’ve had teams that dominate and choke (see the 1919-2003 Boston Red Sox ). I can make that joke; I’m a BoSox fan.

I’d also like to point out that Ethan Trex from CollegeHumor, also writes for Sports Illustrated. And I’m wiping the floor with his ass, too. If that doesn’t allude to my incredible sports acumen, nothing does. If only I could articulate it into something people will actually want to read…


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