Ah, after a brief hiatus, I return to deliver the “gospel of humor.” Sorry about the break, but…well, I had shit to do. Anyway, I have to admit, the past week has been exciting, heartbreaking, and hi-fucking-larious! What's that you say? You wanted specifics? Oh. I'll get right on that. In the meantime, here are some highlights and editorials to whet the appetite.

Lawyer of Saddam Hussein Co-Defendant Slain –
Proves Lawyers Are More Evil Than Genocidal Dictators

Man, this guy took one of the hardest cases ever! But seriously though, what was he going to present as a defense “Dude, Awad Hamed al-Bandar totally isn’t the genocidal-type. He volunteers at the local Y(hwh). Plus, He’s way too much of an alcoholic to kill that many people.”

Harriet Miers Withdraws Bid For Supreme Court,
Accepts Nomination for “Worst Nominee Ever”

Surprised? Baffled? Content? Let’s go for “none-of-the-above.” With Miers out, I look forward to O’Connor speaking candidly and making more unrestrained remarks/arguments.Sorry. Nothing funny about that.

Rosa Parks Dies,
Champions Right to Ride In Front Of The Hearse

Be it fatigue or subconscious activism, her fateful choice invoked symbolism as Civil Rights moved from the backseat to the forefront of American debate. (Pulitzer, here I come…)

Astros Swept By Sox:
Proves Everything’s Bigger In Texas, Especially Losers

How does it feel to participate in some of the best MLB Post-Season games of all time? Guess it’d be cruel to ask any of the Houston Astros. They get an “A” for their effort and an “S” for “Shit Out of Luck”.

Hurricane Season Goes Greek,
Gets “Destroyed” While Vacationing In Caribbean

Man, after losing my hometown and being exiled like a certain star-crossed Montague, I thought this hurricane season sucked. But now, I’m seeking an extension to the season – I really would enjoy the arrival of an Omega and the end of the world as we know it. I wonder if I can get R.E.M. to officially sponsor the Apocalypse…

Democrats Get Stiffy While GOP Tries To Plug Leak Investigation
Evidence of Global Warming? Government cover-ups? Appointment Incompetence? Dude, this is like the worst time to be a Republican…unless you’re one of the rich ones. Then, I wouldn’t give a fuck about things either. So, is this the part where Democrats step up to the plate? Green Party? Libertarians? I pray (not publicly though) for the sake of all that is holy/unholy for positive political realignment.

PSA To Our Nation's Political Parties: Seriously, guys. Our nation is hurting (in the ass) – please stop bending us over, even if vast, ignorant portions of us “act like we wanted it.” Oh, and organize yourselves. Incompetant, hung-over, and ineffective is no kind of way to get through life. Even if you're already president.