You know you’ve been seeing a lot of a chick when you walk into a bar on Sunday afternoon and hear three of your friends ask you where the hell you’ve been. Furthermore, you really know you’ve been seeing a lot of a chick when the bartender at that same bar (where you used to drink almost daily) takes almost five minutes to remember just who the hell you are. But you really really know you’ve been seeing a lot of a chick when a few of your acquaintances walk into the same bar and claim that they have no idea who you are. Ouch.

I just realized that if you have lousy taste in music, you probably save more money than those of us who listen to quality tunes. I mean, Styx reunion tickets just can’t be that costly. At least, not in a reasonably just world.

The level of rudeness in this country never ceases to amaze me. Yesterday, I was waiting in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me had the audacity to actually flip through a coupon book hoping to find some discounts she may have missed after her groceries had all been rung up. She held up the entire line on the busiest grocery day of the week because she wanted to save a few pennies. When she finished this selfish, megabitch act, she actually said to me and some other people in the line, “I’m sorry. Thanks for understanding.” To which I replied, “Understanding what? That you’re rude.” She shot me a mean look but did not respond. The gentleman behind me in line, a huge guy who felt he needed seven Tostino Pizzas to get him through the week, laughed and said, “Thanks man.” What can I say? I’m here to help.

Ricky Williams just tested positive for marijuana for the fourth time in his brief NFL career. He could end up suspended for the entire season as a result. I think I speak for football fans everywhere when I say, “Twenty bucks says Ricky Williams has seen Half Baked more than once.”

My girl’s ex is now taking shots at me on his blog. He called me “Some fast-talking used car salesman type.” At first, I was offended. But then I learned, after asking around, that I am the fast-talking, used car salesman type. So thanks, Tito. You’ve opened my eyes to how other people see me. To quote that kid from the movie, DARYL, “All knowledge is learning. And therefore good.”

So, I was watching the winter Olympics… just kidding. I actually watched an hour long show that centered around dune buggies and their ability to climb dirt hills. The whole time, Olympic Hockey was on. But I never considered, not for a second, watching that garbage. Which begs the question, “Where can I get me a dune buggy?” That shit looks like fun.

And finally, because it’s a Monday and I always spend my Mondays avoiding consistent helpings of logic and fluidity, I leave you with the following, which I overheard in the grocery store:

“I mean, if she wants to drink the white, she can drink the white. But I still think she’s a bitch.”

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