There are two things you're doing right now, reader. Aside from stroking your clit…Either, one, you have read the title and asked aloud: Who the FUCK is Leeroy Jenkins and why should I give a FLYING SHIT ABOUT HIM?

(Careful now, your mother is in the next room!) 

Two, you have read the title and said aloud: OH YEAH! SWEET! AWESOME! I'M FAMILIAR WITH LEEROY JENKINS! I KNOW INTERNET STUFF LIKE THAT! I THINK HE'S H1LARIOUS! I'M S0 4W3S0M3!

Now, for you two characters, I'd like to say a few things…

Reader One: I love you. I love you in ways that you can't imagine.

Reader Two: I hate you. Call me old fashioned, but it is an old fashioned kinda hate, really. You are a shitbag.

But, for reader one, I figure I should go into a little more depth…After all, you're probably very curious as to why I, Nick Gaudio, would hate the fuck out of someone for presumably, enjoying something on the internet.

That's fine. Really, it is. Because I DO like most things on the net. For instance, I find "Old Gregg" hilarious. I also like the insane musical talent of Ronald Jenkees. You should research these things yourself and enjoy them too.

However, what I will never get on board with is this:

Douchebags.

Now, you may be saying: Nick, you're a douchebag. Why don't you like those of your own ilk?

Well reader, that's how douchebags work. We hate each other. Maybe even ourselves.

Either way, from what I understand it, Leeroy Jenkins is the name of a character on the much-hated World of Warcraft game. He was turned into an INTERNET PHENOMENON!!! via some stupid running in to some level or something. Honestly, I haven't seen the movie. But here it is…if you're interested:

(Fuck, I'm interested too. I'll watch it now…)

That was it? Seriously? That's what became an internet phenomenon? I mean, really? Is that FUCKING IT? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IS THAT WHAT PEOPLE CONSIDER COMEDY? HE JUST ACTS LIKE A BLACK BEGGAR AND RUNS IN AND KILLS DRAGONS. OH SO EVERYBODY'S CHARACTER DIES! OH SHIT! TOTAL BLOW OUT! SHIT THAT'S SO FUCKING GODDAMNED FUNNY.

I hate humanity. I really FUCKING do.

So anyways, what the fuck is an internet phenomenon, anyways?

Let's see here…

Link!

Now that's handy. A list of all the internet phenomena!

Let's see here…Oh LOLCAT! I can get on board with that.

Oh and Goatse! Talk about a masturbation staple for the gay community–ow-ow!

Oh and who could forget two girls, one cup! Seriously, isn't it burned into the psyche of humankind? But then, isn't it…how should I put this…indicative of people in general? Sure then, I think that's okay too.

But Leeroy Jenkins? Really? Some WoW bullshit? I don't even understand this level shit. And why aren't the bad guys attacking them until they fucking go through those doors? Fuck WoW.

Wait, why am I busting on WoW? After all, most of you faggots are probably playing it on another computer screen as you read this.

I don't know why I don't like WoW. Maybe its because I'm getting old. I used to play Blizzard games when I was a kid…fuck. I want to play Starcraft right now, actually.

Hold on a second…

Protoss vs. Zerg! Yes! I'll play on Blood Bath! Oh shit, whoa!

Dragoons! Zealots! Templars! Oh man I got a stiffie for Kerrigan!

I win!

 

But back to Leeroy.

You may be wondering why I think this guy, Ben Schultz ("creator" of Leeroy Jenkins) is a douchebag.

Well, the only reason I know about Leeroy Jenkins is this video, which I stumbled upon (literally, with the StumbleUpon feature).

At first I thought: Hey, cool…Doogie Howser is giving a lecture… I'll watch this. But then, I realized that this kid is somehow famous for saying a name. It kind of perplexed me, really. Then, as you can see above, it angered me.

And that's really all I've got to say about it.

Well, wait. One more thing:

Where are we in our progress as a species? I mean, when some random dude gets in front of some crowd of high schoolers and shouts a name, and then gets laughs and applause? I really feel as though school shootings aren't that bad of thing.

But I guess one thing I can say about this whole debacle is that it gives others some vague glimmer hope in a hopeless world. What kind of hope, I'm not too sure. Maybe it's the hope of a new means of stardom, or the hope of producing something every man–even the dumbasses that like this shit–can enjoy. Or maybe, just maybe, like the Two Girls that dranketh of the shit cup, it is the hope to exploit oneself just enough…just ENOUGH… that a World of Warcraft Playing card will be made…and you can shout something in front of a bunch of nerds, losers and douchebags and have them love you.

Because the love of the masses is a warm, intense love…It is a love that lasts forever.

 

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