Hello, my name is Dr. Krishna Charanjit, M.D. You might know me as the premier hip restructure specialist in the world. You might have read my book, used in many college universities, entitled “Hip Restructuring And You: Hip Restructing in the 21st Century – Challenges, History, and Future.” You might have read my autobiography, “To Hip Restructure or Not to Hip Restructure: The Story of The World's Top Hip Restructurer Dr. Krishna Charanjit”; or my biography “1 Million Hip Restructures: The Story of Dr. Krishna Charanjit” by Dr. Madhusudhana Mahadev. Perhaps you have come to one of my many lectures, speeches, or graduation commencements across America, yes? Regardless, you are familiar with my work.
One minute you are at the top, yes, and the next minute everything is going downhill, no? You would never expect the #1 hip restructurer in the world to be here, asking for your business, but alas, the economy is a 2-headed monster, and Mr. President Obama a soldier of Satan.
So here I am before you, a broken down man practically begging for you to be my customer. I used to have to turn people away. I would give them a business card of a doctor I knew. My hip restructuring cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. You get what you pay for, as my hip restructuring is unparalleled.
But with the recent downturn in the economy, people are restructuring their hips less and less everyday. Maybe they're putting it off until things get better. Things will not get better, my friends. I am sorry to tell truth to you but that is how it is and I apologize. But please, your hip health should be priority number one right now.
Are you worried about swine flu? Yes, you are. Are you worried about losing your job? Yes, you are—perhaps you've already lost it, I am not sure, I do not know your specific personal situation. Are you worried about the 2012 apocalypse because you've been watching Armageddon Week and similar shows on the History Channel? Yes, you are worried and you have been watching those shows. Are you worried about North Korea launching dangerous weapons? Yes, you are. Are you worried about your hip health? No, you are probably not. And to me, that train of thought makes no sense. Hip health or lack thereof is the greatest imminent danger to your well-being and the well-being of your grandchildren (your children are fine right now).
Right now I am even offering a special to you. I'm even offering buy two hip restructurings, get one free. This is a deal I never thought in a million years I would be offering, but I guess no one is safe when we live in a global economy. I just never thought this would happen to me.
Not only should you get your hip restructuring that you've been putting off taken care of, you should come to me also to get it done. My middle name is Hip Restructuring (I have never forgiven my parents for that).
You want happiness, right? You are one of those people who would like to be happy and healthy, right? Do you like being happy? Do you like your life to be good, yes?
Let's pretend you are walking down the street. You sometimes walk down the street, right, am I right about this? Yes, okay. Well, say you're walking down the street, the sidewalk, and your hip gives out since you have been thinking to yourself "I'll get a hip restructuring once the economy gets better, it can wait, I have more important things to pay for, like food for my children, which I can barely pay for, we basically live off Ramen, sometimes there's not enough and little Johnathan gets the broth, no noodles" and your hip gives out and you fall to the ground. You roll and writhe in pain into the middle of the street. A car comes by and since the driver is adjusting his cell phone he doesn't see you and he runs you over. You're dead, yes?
You need to get that hip restructured. I almost feel like your friends and family should have an intervention for you. Not getting your hip restructured is an addiction far greater than the heroin or the marijuana or the cocaines.
Please do not think that I necessarily am how you say desperate. I still have plenty of money and will be fine. But it is hard to go from making tens of millions of dollars a year to making fives of millions of dollars a year.
Please visit my offices, will you? I put the "hip restructuring" in "Come to Dr. Charanjit's office today and get a hip restructuring done for a pleasant life."