It's like sitting on a cloud really. My bed has taken on a feather like quality and I'm just trying to enjoy what is left of my sanity. All my walls have turned purple and the ceiling looks like it's sliding a centimeter closer to me every minute. Nothing to worry about at the moment, it'll be hours before I'm crushed under the weight of some flimsy cardboard tile.

My girlfriend won't stop talking about how she feels like a cat. She's skewing my perception more than my own imagination is. Now I'm thinking about animals. Primal instincts. Fight or flight reactions. My eyes trace the walls of my room, and I watch something emerge from the corner wall. At first it's just a head coming out of my wall. I have seen this before, and it never gets any easier. I grip my bed sheets and tense my entire body. I'm not sure what is coming for me this time, but I know it's not going to be friendly. It's not human, it's an animal. That bitch is ruining what was going to be a good time.

"I feel like I really am a cat now. You know? I'm so much smaller than I should be… I'm covered in fur. Do you wanna cuddle?"

I don't even acknowledge her presence at this point. I need to know what is emerging through my wall. Last time I checked the corner of my room had no fluidity to it, and as much as I know the laws of reality are not in effect, I grip my sheets even tighter in anticipation. I hear my middle finger pop, it's out of socket right now. No time to fret though, I can't focus on such meaningless things like dislocated fingers.

"I'm going to crawl into your lap. I hope you don't mind."

I hear a noise. She is purring. My girlfriend is purring as she lays her head in my lap. I don't look down though. There is a dragon in my room. A dark red dragon. His head swivels back and forth. He is to big to fit into my room, only his head and neck have fully come though, and every once in awhile his shoulders emerge and fall back through the wall. The dragon is analyzing everything in my room. He scans the room and eventually we lock eyes. He blinks twice and I don't blink at all. He exhales through his nose and smoke jets out like water through a breaking dam. I take a deep breath and freeze right on the spot. He opens his mouth and shows me row after row after row of teeth. This is it. I'm about to be eaten by my imagination. I knew this would happen. I think this is why my parents told me creativity kills the artist eventually. I can dream big, and now I've dreamt more than I can handle.

"Are you okay?" a voice whispers.

I look down at my beautiful girlfriend and am horrified. Her face is covered in fur. She's a calico right now. Her eyes are bright yellow and are piercing right into mine. If they were bullets my brain would no longer be intact, that is, if it could be considered intact. My head shoots up and I feel it slam into the concrete behind me. The dragon flinches as if I caught it off guard. I try to speak but am muted by the cat in my lap. I feel her head leave my lap, and we meet face to face. I'm not sure what is scarier, the fact that I've had sex with a cat woman, or that I'm about to be eaten by a fire breathing dragon. I let go of my bed sheets and exhale. I immediately grab my hair and start to laugh. I'm not laughing normally. My laughter is full of panic. My cat woman rubs her face against mine, trying to calm me down. Suddenly she jerks back.

"Why are you so panicked?" she says hastily. "Oh god what do you see right now? No.. don't tell me I don't wanna… oh I see it, oh no oh no oh no oh no no no no!" I can hear the tears well up in her throat. "We gotta leave now!" she screams.

She jumps up and I grab her arm, yanking her back down on the bed. I quickly wrap my arms around her head and start petting her. "It's okay little kitty. Everything is okay…"

These words leave my mouth and the dragon snorts again. I watch the smoke disappear into my ceiling fan and get thrown in every direction. He shows me his teeth one more time and pulls his head back through my wall. I'm left alone in my room with a crying cat. Good thing I only have two hours of this left.

Song of the Day: Awful Direction by The Almost

See new PIC posts via Twitter or Facebook.

Sign up for satire writing or improv classes at The Second City - 10% off with code PIC.