I’m the Buddha, and Desire Is Okay, as Long as It’s for Pepsi-Cola
Desire always leads to suffering, with the exception of the desire for an ice-cold glass of refreshing Pepsi-Cola™. That one’s fine.
Comedy Writing
Writers, Please Avoid Using the Following Forbidden Literary Devices
Gallegory: Everything in a story represents something else, but only for the ladies. Men still have to read it literally.
How to Make a Cover Letter That’s Slightly Less Desperate than You
There are two things that all employers love to hear about: high quarterly profits and hidden treasure.
You Only Think I’m Overdosing on Motivational Content Because of Your Weak Mindset
Actually, I think I’m responding quite normally to the motivational seminar I watch constantly.
Prometheus Thinks You’re Going a Little Overboard with Fire
Fire's just supposed to be a pretty thing you look at sometimes. Like a lava lamp, but it can kill you.
I’m a Movie Villain and Here Are 40 Reasons We’re Not So Different, You and I
I murdered your wife, and you got pretty mad at me for doing that. We’ll call that one a tie. We’re both people!
Welcome to My House, from Which I’ve Removed All Trace of How I Live
Put it on this coat rack, where all of my coats are. Is that because I regularly put my coats on the coat rack, rather than strewing them on the floor?
Oscar Wilde Gets a Little Lost in the Sauce
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
Theoretical Physicist Michio Kaku Asked Me to Stop Sending Him These Solutions to the Grandfather Paradox
Anyone who tries to create a paradox gets stopped by theoretical physicist Michio Kaku and his incredible superpowers.
What Your Favorite Taylor Swift Album Says About Where You Were at the Time of Lady Ashby’s Murder
"Fearless" -- You see the glass as half-full, not half-empty. That includes the glass of tea which you brought to Lady Ashby the day she died.
Boy, That Guy, I Tell You
He ruffles my feathers. He overcooks my sunny-side-up eggs. You know what I mean? Really Mondays my Garfield.
Nathaniel Hale Has Some Additional Regrets, Actually
I regret that I have but one chance to offer a high five to the executioner while I’m on the gallows and then say, "Hey, don’t leave me hanging!"