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Dublin, CA

I'm the guy right across the street wearing the "Honx if yous from the Bronx" t-shirt. Go to the window. Seriously. What have you got to lose? Just take a peak. It'll only take a second. There you go. No, over to the left. See me? I'm waving. No, over here. Up more. Right there. God, you're so gullible...

Comedy Writing

Greetings, Your Honor

Greetings, your Honor. I was yesterday’s case #112. Am I crazy, or were you making sex eyes at me? Because I fucking dug it.

Top-Notch Masturbait

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">For the woman I saw at the Sixth Street Applebee’s last night stuffing her face with a heaping pile of extra beef nachos: Remember when I asked you if you needed a napkin and you just leaned over and used my t-shirt? </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I canNOT stop thinking about you. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Jerry 918-826-12--</p>

I Changed My Mind

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">To the woman I may or may not have groped at Margie’s Tap last night: Can’t you fight your own battles?<span style=""> </span>--Steve</p> <p class="MsoNormal">P.S. Tell your “date” he’ll be hearing from my “lawyer.” Sound it out real slow for him. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>

Love Ula

<div style="clear:both;"></div><p class="MsoNormal">Okay, here’s what I’m envisioning: We start off with some rough foreplay (eye-gouging/asphyxiation/mutual bestiality [MB], etc…) and work our way up to the big stuff. I want you to make me feel like the dirtiest whore on the planet, so we’re going to need a pretty big bag of manure and a gallon or so of brine water.

Missed Connections

m4w: I met you at this year's Rosemont White Power Rally. I was the fairly tall gentlemen with blond hair and blue eyes.<br />You were fairly tall---with blond hair and blue eyes.<br />Tim Johnson (205) 323-85--<br /><br /><br />Your eyes told me, "I want to fuck you," but your mouth said, "Go fuck yourself, Creep."<br />I say, "Can't we do both?"<br />Call me! Ken (925) 828-42--<br /><br />

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