I was minding my own business, being creepy and looking at people's profiles on PIC, when an instant message popped up from what can only be described as the biggest buzz kill ever. We're going to call this douchebag Steve, because that's his name, and I could care less about protecting the identity of someone who wastes my time with stupid questions.

Steve starts moaning about how as soon as he graduated from high school last year, none of his old friends wanted to play Partini with him anymore. I tried to explain to him that hardly anyone stays friends with their buddies from high school. That's just the way it goes. Against my words of wisdom, he decided not to cash my reality check and kept bitching about how no one would call him back anymore.

Steven: But it's so stupid! They don't have to stop calling me…

Me: Well, you like Jenga and ROTC and college kids like LSD and genitals.

I'm sure you can figure out how the rest of the conversation went down, and if you guessed that it ended in me blocking him, you'd be right. You kids are so smart. I think it's all the estrogen they put in the chicken.

How many people did you pretend to like throughout high school just because you got put into the same ceramics class? Anyway, the whole situation with Steve got me thinking about how he probably isn't the only one who is or is going to get a smack in the face when they realize that Anthony from third period English won't return their text messages anymore. This being the case, I decided to compile a list of the top three reasons why your high school friends don't like you anymore. Maybe it'll help you sleep a little better at night. It probably won't though.

3. It's Kind of Inconvenient

No offense, but when you get accepted into college, all you're thinking about is how many parties you're going to go to, how many copies of Spark Notes you're going to have to buy, and how once and for all you can finally stop your mom from putting those Ninja Turtle sheets on your bed. You are definitely not going to worry about whether your friend Steven is going to ROTC camp to climb rock walls.

There are so many things going on and so many people to meet that it's a lot to have to try to maintain contact with old friends who may be halfway across the country—friends you know you'll probably never see again until your 10-year high school reunion. They're not being assholes, they're just not putting effort into something they assume is improbable in the long run.

2. You're Sort of Boring Now

From the moment I walked in the doors my freshman year, my peers were chosen for me. Maybe, if I wanted to get a little crazy, I'd escape and go hang out with kids from the neighboring towns. Other than that, I just spent the last four years of my life with the same people, five or more days a week, and frankly, that story about how you and your buddy got so shit-faced that you ended up puking in the back seat of his mom's Volvo really isn't that funny after I've heard it 19 times. There aren't any new, amazing pieces of ass to get or talk about, no upperclassmen to gush over, and let's face it: you're probably not going to make it to States, so just let it go man. Let it go.

All of this adds up to one boring ass year, involving a bunch of boring ass people with no new stories, sitting around saying, "Well what do you guys want to do?" That's why they call it senoritis and I definitely would not want to relive that kind of shitty deja vu once I finally got out.

1. They're Just Not That Into You

The fact of the matter is that if you were really close with these people and they really, really liked you, they would have at least made some sort of half-assed attempt at staying in contact with you. Even if you were thousands of miles away and super busy, if you guys were really BFFLS, they would have at least poked you on Facebook or something. So if you're sitting there, reading this sham of an article, pokeless and lonely, then chances are those "friends" of yours probably didn't like you that much to begin with.

How many people did you put up with and pretend to like throughout high school, just because it was easier than starting a civil war every year when you inevitably got put into the same ceramics class? Seriously. I bet it's a lot and in this case, you're probably the kid they put up with. It's okay. Don't feel bad. Well, maybe you should feel a little bad.

So those were the top three reasons why you're friends from high school won't return your calls. It happens to the best of us, it happens to the worst of us. Trust me when I tell you that you're not alone. Over time you'll make new friends and you won't feel so bad about your best friend from little league taking you off their MySpace. Until then, well… I can always introduce you to Steve.

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